I have tried to sit and write this blog post for several weeks now, but unable to really put where I am into words. I kept thinking that once things settled a bit I could sit and process all these great deep lessons and praise would come forth. But that just has not happened. And so instead of continuing to wait for my heart to get where it needs to be I am going to push forward. Because this past week marked something pretty incredible and I need to recognize the God who made this past week possible.
At thirty years of age and after 12 years of ‘higher education’ I started my career in medicine this past week. For those of you who know me, you now this has been quite the story of grace, so much grace. I didn’t want to be a physician. It wasn’t worth the hard work and the long hours to me. I wanted something easy, something comfortable. But through the Lord’s leading I went to medical school, not because I wanted to, but out of obedience. And He gave me such peace that if He really wanted me to be a physician then He would get me there. What a long journey it has been. Filled with some of the highest highs and lowest lows. He allowed me to meet some incredible people that I will never forget. And He changed my heart, and is still changing me for the better. He stretched me far beyond what I ever thought possible and did things through me- exceedingly abundantly more than I could ever have asked or thought. The college freshman version of me would never have dreamt I would be here today. But this past week I started my first job as a pediatrician seeing kids and taking care of them all on my own. All the licenses, and certifications, and blah blah blah. They are all done. Finished. Like really, actually done, all of them.
I remember early on in medical school someone pointing out that med students had to have an extreme sense of delayed gratification. But, now that the delay is over, like actually over it’s all been pretty overwhelming. And thus difficult for me to put into words. He really did it. God really made a physician out of me. And He deserves all the credit. And though I really thought I would be practicing overseas at this point, again, He had other plans. To make a long story short, He lead me to a practice in North Carolina where I get to work alongside other Christian pediatric providers and have plenty of time to do medical mission work. Possibly a stepping stone? I don’t know. But for now, I’m trying to get used to the idea of settling and being here, now. No next thing after this, but this is it. This is where God has me. This may seem a little strange, but through many of those 12 years I had to fight this fear that when it was all said and done and I was out practicing on my own that I would not actually enjoy it. To be honest there are too many physicians out there in that boat. But, to my relief I had a few moments this past week where I really had fun. I couldn’t ask for better people to work with from other providers to nursing and front desk staff. And I just wonder why God would bless me so. Grace, so much grace.
The past month and a half have been very challenging. It was very difficult to leave Memphis and so many great friends behind. Then loosing Peyton just about did me in. Not really the start to my career I had hoped for. But I couldn’t have asked for a better team to join on the other side of such pain. So, as I try to untangle the jumbled mess of my emotions I just want to stop and praise the God who lead me here and has been so faithful each step of the way. “All my life you have been faithful. All my life you have been so so good. With every breath that I am able, I will sing of the goodness of God.” Looking back I can truly see His goodness running after me, carrying me. And I know this job here is not the end or even the beginning of the end. But if my life were a multi-volume novel I’ve just opened the second book. And where the first ended in a bitter twist, so far, this book seems like one I could sit and enjoy a while.
So, here’s to the God who makes beauty from ashes, and turns mourning into dancing. For it is, has been, and will forever really be His story. A story of grace, so much grace.
