What is it about the ocean that seems to bring you to the foot stool of God? Is it the shear vastness reaching to places way beyond where we can see, or knowing that we have no control over what it does, or is it simply the natural breathtaking beauty of what God made? What a reminder of our nothingness and God's awesomeness! Sitting at the oceans edge is the solitary place where I feel like I can think the clearest, maybe because it forces me to see the big picture.
I wasn't planning on going this year, simply because I wanted to save money for the extremely expensive 4th year of medical school. I went from my surgery rotation (which literally almost killed me from pure exhaustion. Jk) to end of year testing to studying all day for boards to taking boards. Then I had all of 1.5 weeks before I started up again. And on top of all of this as I headed into my week and a half off, I get blindsided by the Supreme Court ruling. I had no time to mentally or spiritually prepare myself for it!
I finally felt what I believe was worthy of tearing my clothes in agony. I wanted to wear sack cloth and ashes and weep before our Lord! My sin lead to this, and my disobedience in witnessing to countless friends lead to their rejoicing over it. For a time I could not get on Facebook or social media in general, because I felt as though I was getting punched in the stomach or mouth every time. How we have profaned the name of God! How we have distorted His symbol of mercy! Repent! That's what I heard God saying to me all summer. Search your heart and turn from your wicked ways, Janie! God brought me to my knees and I almost felt crushed under the weight of the sin I felt. But thanks be to God who whispered to me in my despair 'I already bore this weight, TAKE IT OFF!'
My heart aches to realize how far we have strayed from the truth. But what a merciful and gracious God we serve! In the midst of all that is going on I have hope! Hope that God will continue to cleanse me and the church in America. Hope that when He does execute His judgement that He will give me the grace to endure it if I am still here. Hope that with persecution comes revival and a cleansing into something most beautiful. Hope that My God is mighty to save, and He alone can fix America's sin problem!
I am in a way thankful for the events that have taken place. It has awakened me to the darkness here in my own home. It is easier to stand up to Satan when he is screaming at you right in your face rather than when he quietly offers you a chair and feeds you lies. We have been sitting too long! May we not forget that gay marriage is not the only issue. I would not go to a gay wedding as much as I would not go to a friends wedding where she is marrying a man she cheated on her husband with. I cannot support either. My home state of Tennessee is number one in the country for human trafficking, all are an abomination to God. Church, just because our society has singled homosexuality out as something different, I pray we would see it all, and repent!
With that being said, should we not approach this as with any sin. My heart aches because I love those who are slave to this lie. A lie I may have fallen prey to apart from Christ. We must speak the truth, as with every lost soul as the Spirit leads. There is still great sin in America and at least now we see it and pray fervently for revival in our nation. May it compel us to see each day the battle field it is. May we be ready to give a defense for the hope that is within us. And may we search our own heart, and let God search them, because we all know sin lies within us as well.
With all of this heavy on my mind I convinced mom to do a last minute beach trip with me. My hope was that God would speak to me during this time at the ocean and help me handle all that was going on. I wanted some action plan. But this time I didn't get much time at the edge of the ocean. My brother came to and for the first time since 2007 he and I both could play in the ocean together. As I watched him act just like he did as a middle school kid splashing in the waves I had a beautiful picture of him dancing before the Lord. God gave us those waves, and allowed us to be there, and there we were just playing in his creation. I realized God brought me there not to reveal some attack plan, but rather to remind me to rest in Him. The plan has been the same all along, go and preach the Gospel to all nations.
I believe hard times are coming for us who truly believe His word. Will we be found worthy of persecution? Will we stand and fight to love with a tough but honest love? Are we willing to be searched by almighty God and have Him point out to us all our wicked ways? The days are coming where God will vomit out the lukewarm church. Where will we be?
