Holidays

The past few weeks have felt as though I was in a fog. We had 5 tests before Thanksgiving break and so we all just crashed right after. I waited for Andrew to get into Christiansburg from DC at 3:30 am and then we headed to Greeneville TN where we enjoyed the best southern breakfast known to man! Every year the Tusculum Baptist Church hosts a Thanksgiving breakfast. The men cook everything from gravy n’ biscuits to country ham and bacon, it’s just the perfect country breakfast. Since I was little it was one of the top 5 highlights of mine and Andrew’s year. And now just because we both are away at school we still had to make it. So, we drove through the night and thoroughly enjoyed the food awaiting us!

The entire Thanksgiving break was wonderful! Our whole family was together and wow, how we are blessed! Even though we all spent Saturday night decorating the Christmas tree I refused to get into the Christmas spirit. Once I feel like it’s Christmas time, it becomes so hard for me to focus on school work and really get work done. So, I’m waiting to break out the Christmas music until after finals. Andrew and I drove back to Christiansburg Sunday morning and then he went on to DC. The little glimpse of how life used to be made me really miss living with my family and being in Knoxville. But fortunately I had plenty of school work to keep me busy Sunday night and this week so I don’t get so homesick. Just 3 weeks and we will all be back together again for yet another brief period of time.

That’s the thing though, since moving to VA, I have been just getting through until I can go home for a little bit. And then I have to come back and again I look forward to going home again. It’s not as bad as it was, but I really need to settle down here. I still don’t really want to be here. If med school was in Knoxville I think I would be set. But it’s not, and this is where God has me. I’ve really just been in coasting mode the last few weeks and my relationship with God has suffered for it. He reminded me today that my goal first and foremost is Him. Matthew 6 He says “Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you.” I’ve been focusing on ‘all these things” and not on Him.

I want to be at the place where no matter where I am or what I am doing I can be satisfied because I have God. I don’t want to be constantly looking to the next break or next time I can go home or the next whatever. Right now, I want to be satisfied in Him and let Him take care of the rest.  

Ready, Set, Go!

Week 4 of block 2 of medical school was weird. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday I was at school from 8-5 with lectures and labs. Wednesday I had to take a test early because Thursday right after class, my roommates and I along with about 35 other VCOM students headed to Louisville Ky. It was my first medical missions conference and I could not wait to meet other people who shared my same passion.

We drove through West Virginia and tried to take in the amazing scenery as we quizzed each other on different drug interactions (we have a pharm test on Monday J). We arrived in Louisville and that night stood with over 1,000 other students, residents and doctors all there to glorify God. When I felt like God was calling me into medical missions, I had no idea that he had given that same call to so many others! I was overwhelmed by the presence alone of so many like-minded people!

And if that wasn’t enough God definitely showed Himself in many ways! I had the opportunity to hear about residency programs geared toward not only family medicine internationally, but how I can integrate sports medicine and ob/gyn into a family med practice to meet more of the needs of the people wherever I serve. I was able to network and find resources on how to prepare for long term missions, specific to medicine. And of course, God reaffirmed my heart for serving Him, my longing to know Him, and my passion for reaching Muslims. I finally had to just stop and kneel before Him from exhaustion and being completely overwhelmed!

Last night I spent a good amount of time in the prayer room just kneeling before the Lord. It was one of those times I felt like I never wanted to leave the feet of Christ. I was restless because as every girl does at some point in their lives, I was hung up over boys! I know, crazy! I have just been very aware how much I hate to be alone, and aware that I don’t have much time with school to look for a husband to take with me over-seasJ. The fear of living somewhere internationally all alone has been plaguing me for some time now, and so desperately I wanted to surrender it to God but was, in my pride, not trusting Him.  Then as I sat last night and listened to God speak through an amazing man of God, this is the what I heard that still small voice say in my own thoughts, ‘How can I say that my comfort, my time, my sleep, and a future husband and family are of more importance than reaching unbelievers with Christ, or more important than fulfilling that which I know God has been preparing me for since the foundation of the world? Really, how can I say that what I want is worth more than what God wants? What idolatry! How selfish does a person have to be to make such a choice?’

He has told me to go, and He has told me it won’t be easy or comfortable or even safe. So even though it means sacrificing everything, for His name sake I must go. I am compelled by His majesty to obey. Graciously, He has also given me at least 6 more years to prepare. And I realized this weekend that I need to start that now. I believe there are older wiser people out there who God will use to guide me and disciple me through the process, and if you are one of them please do not tarry! I have so much maturing and growing up to do before then. And I also have a mission field here around me in which I need to be much more active! So please if you think of it, pray that God would give me the grace to trust Him in EVERY area of my life, not only school, and that He would send someone to disciple me as I seek to serve Him with everything I am.

“The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me, Because the LORD has anointed me To bring good news to the afflicted; He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to captives And freedom to prisoners;” Is 61:1

The Tender grace of God

I was sitting in Barns and Noble yesterday reading Elmo book after Elmo book to my almost 2 year old nephew Kelvin when I received a text from Andrew saying, "I can come!!!!!" Almost immediately tears began to flood my eyes until Kelvin voiced hid displeasure that I had stopped reading. Today was my white coat ceremony, and mom and Kelvin came up Friday night to hang out. This had been on the family calender for a while, but I never really expected so many people to celebrate it with me! The hardest thing about medical school has been learning to be on my own. Separating myself from my family while trying to keep my head above water in class. With Andrew in DC and staying on an extremely tight workout schedule with the track team it never occurred to me that I would get to see him for this momentous occasion. I had prepared myself to gloss over the whole thing like it wasn't a big deal. My mentor, Kathy, and the doctor who God used to point me in this direction wasn't able to come because she too lived and worked in DC for the coast guard.

A long story short, I talked to her on Friday and we realized that just maybe she could actually make it, and if she could make it, then maybe, just maybe Andrew could too! All day Friday and most of Saturday I didn't let myself believe it. Of all my family I probably miss Andrew the  most, so to get excited about him coming and then the let down if he couldn't, well, I didn't want to face that. But yesterday morning all that changed. His coach let him miss practice, Kathy was able to get away form work, even with the ensuing Hurricane threat on DC, and somehow God allowed them to come! They left that night and last night Andrew, mom, and I embraced like we so badly wanted to for so long! We went to bed late and this morning, of course, he still had to run 11 miles. Around 1, dad arrived with Julie, Jennifer, my grandfather, and one of my best friends ever, Emily. We made our way to the Virginia Tech campus and then in 2 hours the ceremony was over. It was nice, at least that's what everyone tells me. I honestly was so concerned about not looking like an idiot trying to let someone else put a coat on me that I didn't pay much attention to anything else.

So, now I guess I am officially Student Doctor Ogle. I have a really cool white coat with my name on it, and my very first ever stethoscope! It felt kind of weird holding my stethoscope knowing that it was mine, and that I would actually be using it in real life! I think it may finally be hitting me that I am a medical student, meaning that I really am going to be a doctor in the quite near future.

After lots of pictures, hugs, laughs, and of course food everyone left. And now I'm stilling on my bed really wanting to go to sleep, but knowing that with the 3 tests I have this week I really have to study, especially since I didn't all weekend. I am still in amazement that God would bless this time so richly! It was super short, but it couldn't have been sweeter! Ever since Andrew told me he was coming, I have just not had the words to thank God! Or really even Kathy for that matter, who drove 4.5 hours in the dark both ways! I am completely overwhelmed by the grace God has poured out on me! Not only today but in every little thing leading up to the significance of what today meant.

Lastly, because the ONLY reason I am who I am is the amazing grace of God, I want to leave you with my thoughts from this week, "Oswald Chambers says, "We give credit to human wisdom when we should give credit to the divine guidance of God being exhibited through childlike people who were 'foolish' enough to trust God's wisdom and His supernatural equipment." The statement is the summary of the last 2 years of my life, and for reference, read the early postings on this blog! And another thought from Oswald as I, well all of us, continue where He leads, "The one great challenge to us is- do I know my risen Lord? Do I know the power of His indwelling Spirit? Am I wise enough in God's sight, but foolish enough according to the wisdom of the world, to trust in what Jesus Christ has said?"

WOW! Never in my life did I think I would be where I am! Never did I think, that so many people would be here with me today to celebrate what God is doing! May I echo what Paul says in 2 Cor 10:17, "he who glories, let him glory in the Lord." For it is only by His unimaginable grace that we have anything to glory about! "praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!"    

Take 2

The whole of first block I was looking forward to our week off before we started block 2. Don’t get my wrong my week off was wonderful! I got caught up on sleep, rested well, visited with many friends and family members, and even was a little productive. However, what I failed to do was prepare myself for block 2. I worked so hard block 1 just to get to the break and then failed to remember I had to come back and do it again. The Sunday that I left I could hardly enjoy the few hours I had left with my family for dread of the drive back to Blacksburg. And that was one of the longest 4-hour drives of my life! I cried for most of it. School started off well, and the classes were so much easier and more enjoyable than in first block, but I was so homesick I couldn’t stand it! I didn’t want to be there, and it didn’t matter what I was learning or doing, I just wanted to go home.

But as it does, time worked wonders and I finally settled into my school routine within a few days. During that first week, we had our first cadaver lab. I’ll spare you the details, but it turned out to be quite fun. I was actually pretty good at dissecting, and it occurred to me that maybe actually I do belong here among these future physicians. I realized that day that my attitude towards all of med school had been wrong. I fought through block one because I knew God wanted me to, not because I wanted to be a physician. Yes, I was obedient and He honored that, but I hadn’t taken ownership of the task He had given me. I was just doing what I had to in order to get by, (which was really all I could do that block) but I wasn’t studying in order to know the information in a way that would help me help others and become a great physician.  

Thankfully, this past week has proven to be different. Now that we are learning about muscles and bones and cancers, I’m finally desiring to know this material, and studying is much less of a burden! Our God is so gracious! Week 1 of block 2 has been a blast and I’m actually looking forward to the 9 weeks to go. Even though I’m not in Knoxville with family and friends.

Here is the real lesson. In just about all of my trips overseas, Satan has used these same tactics to keep me from focusing on God and the task He has for me there. I do not want to get to the point where I am calloused from the hurt of leaving family and friends, but I want to get to the point where even though it does hurt, God and the work He has for me are far more important and worthy of my focus. Even though one of my greatest fears is being alone, the fear of missing what God has for me, and even God himself, are far worse. So please pray, yes for my academics, but more importantly that God would continue to teach me. That even though at times I’m in the refiners fire that I would not resist the vessel He is making me into. Right here Right now, God has a purpose for each of us. It may not be fun or easy or comfortable, but by His grace we can and must obey . . . with His joy overflowing!

Looking forward to what He has for me in Blacksburg. . . and not looking back,

Janie

"It is ingrained in us that we have to do exceptional things for God- but we do not. We have to be exceptional in the ordinary things of life, and holy on the ordinary streets, among ordinary people." ~ Oswald Chambers

Frustrations of life . . . and their lessons

Soccer is in my opinion one of THE most frustrating games ever! Tonight I had the privilege of watching the Lady Vol soccer team. I watched them give everything, get beat up in battles for the ball, drive time after time towards the goal only to get passes intercepted and shots sailing high or wide or right to the keeper. So many opportunities, so much effort, they left it all on the field, yet in one moment, with one opponent slipping behind their backline they went down 0-1. It was hard enough for me to watch let alone for the players who fought the game. So badly I wanted to make everything better; wanted them to get the reward for their hard work. But that’s not life.

It occurred to me on the drive home how much life is just like that game. The last 2 months felt just the same. I worked harder and much much longer than I ever had. No sleep, no social life, I poured myself out completely every day and for what? Some days I was so ready to give up. I just wanted to go home and not talk or think medicine for one second! I felt like no matter how hard I tried and no matter what I did I just wasn’t good enough. But, that’s the beauty of grace!

In the midst of continuously being poured out I had the overwhelming joy of being filled back up. You see it’s in those moments in life that are frustrating and hard and that just plain suck that we come to know God more intimately. I have come to realize that as long as I keep my focus right, all is well no matter what! “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed . . . For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.” 2 Cor 4:7,8,17

The beginning of this very long journey has begun to teach me that God really is everything. Not only does He supply the breath for each day, the strength to get out of bed, and the wisdom for class, but He is the reward. I ask myself often, ‘if God only wants me to go through this in order to know Him more will it be worth all that I’m going through?’ If I don’t actually finish medical school will it be enough that I know God more intimately? And the answer over and over is yes! I do believe God wants me to actually finish and become a doctor, but my focus each day is to know Him first and fore most. So on those days where I am the bug and not the car wind shield (which come too often) I still have joy and peace. When I play the game for Him alone, all that effort, sweat and even blood, it’s not in vain. That is the mindset with which I must face each day!

Debrief

Today as I walked out of the ocean a large wave gathered behind me sucking all the sand and water in my path backward. It made it hard to take each step and felt as though I was walking in place as the wave pulled everything in to itself. Once the wave crashed and the water subsided I realized I had actually been moving the whole time and was indeed now at the edge of the shore. It occurred to me that so many times we become so focus on the waves and the strength needed to keep going, that we fail to see how far we have come through it all.

Yesterday I officially finished my first block of medical school. When I think back to how hard these last 2 months have been few words come to mind. There were so many times I honestly did not think I would make it through. The whole block I felt as though I did not belong. Like every one there was ten steps ahead of me and I couldn’t catch up. The week of finals I was looking at making 2 C’s, 4 B’s and hopefully an A. That is if I passed the two classes. And that’s the best I thought I could do. This whole block I did not really know if God really wanted me to make it through medical school or if He just brought me here to teach me and to show me more of Himself. I had become ok with the idea that I might fail out of medical school, and that whatever God wanted to teach me in the journey was worth it. When I thought of my upcoming white coat ceremony I didn’t want to wear my white coat, because I felt like I didn’t and wouldn’t deserve to wear it.

I still worked hard and did my best. This past week I spent a good 10-12 hours studying a day for each upcoming final. Yet, the peace God supplied me was amazing, and the overwhelming joy in the midst of the entire block was something I never expected. I truly came to know that Christ is worth whatever we face. He is our treasure, our prize. During the block when I thought of this upcoming week off, all I wanted to do was sit on the edge of the Ocean at the feet of my savior and listen. I knew if I could make it through, He would renew my strength and equip me to continue.

I took my last final yesterday and we headed to the beach, all the while I had no idea if I even passed all my classes. The last of our grades were posted as I was driving there. When we got to our hotel room late last night I logged in to see how bad it was. In one class I went into the final with a 70 in the class, after the final, my grade was a 79 (almost a B). On my first micro test, I made a 63, something I knew the best I could hope for then was just to pass. By God’s grace alone, I made an A on the final and ended up with a B in that class! Long story shorter, what should have been a devastating block turned out to be just about average. I still have no idea how or why He allowed me to do so well at the end, but I am so thankful! It looks like God really does want me in medical school, at least for one more block!

The little bit of craziness I went through in no way compares to so many of the struggles of Christians around the world. But, I am so thankful that in midst of getting me from point A to point B, God would also teach me and allow me to know Him more than ever! I know He has me here for a reason, and He has proved Himself more than faithful to see me through! I am in awe of the grace with which He has lavished on me! And now He has allowed me the opportunity to sit at His feet and rest. Praise be to the God who gives us grace upon grace!

Battle Scars

“Struck down, but not destroyed” 2 Corinthians 4:6 has taken on a whole new meaning for me. I am all of two weeks away from surviving my first block of medical school, yet after today it seems impossible even to survive!

For the last month and a half, I have been tested literally and figuratively in more ways and more often that I even thought possible! I have failed many of those tests, yet until now have felt the overwhelming presence of God. I clung to Him like never before and worshiped in the midst of what seemed like my world crashing in on me. This weekend I had a chance to go home. I actually got somewhat caught up on sleep and had fun for once in a really long time. And then I had to come back. Today I very possible failed yet another rather important test. I can feel myself cracking, as though I am about to explode all over whatever is around. I do not want to be here. I do not want to study anymore. I’m tired of trying so hard and failing. Tired of always being tired and finding no rest and feeling like there is no way on this earth that I could ever be a doctor and this was the biggest mistake of my life!

I want to think that. I want to have a little pity party and ball my eyes out. I want to be mad. And honestly I’ve handled it just like that recently. These last few days I haven’t clung to God as my only hope and strength. And now on top of everything else I feel like I can’t come to Him. I know that’s wrong. My salvation, my ‘status’ with God has never been dependent on what I do or don’t do and it never will be! Praise God! He is still the same God who keeps His promises even when I choose not to trust Him. I know He is faithful. He IS enough . . . even when I am faced with utter despair. I am nothing, and I have nothing to give. It is by His grace that I am what I am! I have to keep reminding myself that He brought me here. And even if His reasoning was not for me to become a doctor but for me to learn about Him and come to know Him more that it is worth anything thrown at me.

I have to keep my eyes on Him. He is my prize! I cannot work for a grade or a reputation or a certain status in comparison to others. What a waste of what God has given! But today of all days, I need His grace to stand on these truths. Please, pray with me! I have never been more aware of how low I really am. And praise God for that! But I’m on the verge of being destroy. Brothers and sisters in Christ I need help standing strong on His word right now. Everyday it’s a battle. May we lift each other up that together we may stand for His name sake!   

Living sacrifice

My first few weeks of medical school were difficult to say the least. Still processing my trip to East Africa and moving to different state took much more of a toll on me than I ever expected! For the first 2 or 3 weeks I could barely focus on my school work and that doesn’t bring about great results in med school! I was just barely passing every exam until I flat out failed my first exam. Microbiology. I would like to say that I got my act together, pulled my self up by my bootstraps and that was the end of that. But that was not the case. Slowly I began coming out of this ‘funk.’ I was able to study and understand more rather than memorize random facts, put them together and apply them. Through all of this God has given me so much peace about life in general. I am honestly beginning to love Him more than ever before!

Just this last week, I had my second microbiology test. Obviously I needed to do extremely well on it. The weekend before I had already gone over everything up to that point and was feeling pretty good about it. 3 days before the exam we had 4 more lectures covering all the gram positive, negative and atypical bacteria that were medically relevant. That is a lot of bacteria just in case you don’t know! We had to know their physical characteristics, how they got into the body, what diseases they cause, symptoms they caused etc. It was so overwhelming. I spent the entire time those next 2 days studying those bacteria. So here’s the scene 2 days before the exam: 1:00am I have my coffee, my laptop and I am desperately trying to finish the last of like 200 flash cards while my head is throbbing from a major headache. I got about 5 hours of sleep that night and then sat through 6 hours of lectures to come home and learn the flashcards. I knew the material, sort of. I did not know every little detail of each one but I could give you a general picture. But that’s all I could do. When I finished studying I knew depending on how hard the test was I could either fail it or do really well.

So as I prayed all that day and early the next morning, I had so much peace knowing that God knew I would be facing this, He knew what would be on the test and He brought me here still. I gave it to Him as my offering, knowing that all my hard work was not just for a grade, but to honor what God has called me to. He told me to go to medical school, so here I am. I am not here for a degree but something far greater. Once He pulled my focus back on Him the outcome of the test seemed far less significant. And, even when He didn’t have to, God came through for me on that exam. I had such a clear mind, was able to think so well, and the professor was very generous in his questions. They were not easy questions, but he gave you plenty of information to deduce the answer.  

I spent Friday afternoon recuperating. This weekend I have been catching up on all the lectures I ignored last week because of micro and studying for my 2 tests next week, one on Monday and one on Wednesday. See, it never ends. And it doesn’t seem as though it ever will at least not for the next 7 years. But yet again God has proved Himself faithful to me.

Saturday morning Macy and I went to the CMDA (Christian Medical and Dental Association) Bible study. It is run by 3 second year students at my school. What an encouragement these ladies are to me each week! We have been discussing Galatians and how our relationship with Christ is based solely on what Christ did for us, how we can never ‘do’ anything to make Him love us less or more. How He is our purpose, our prize, and when we focus on Him He adds in the rest.  Praise His name!

A test of faith

I believe part of why God works in our life is so that He can use what we learn and struggle with to help and encourage others. Therefore in this blog I will try to be open and honest about my imperfections and struggles.

Tomorrow morning I will take my 7^th medical school exam. Thus far I have been below average on all of them. Ok not too bad I realize these are medical students! On two exams thus far I have barely passed, and yet haven’t been too stressed because I know God wants me here and that success is in obedience not outcome. Today however, I found out I failed my first test ever! Like not even D+ failed it! The bad thing is that I studied so hard. I really thought I knew it! I thought things were going to improve but they only got worse. I wanted to melt and throw a fit and ask God why He would bring me here to fail. And then I remembered what I wrote for my facebook status this morning: “Faith must be tested, because it can only become your intimate possession through conflict . . . Faith is absolute trust in God- trust that could never imagine that He would forsake us" Oswald Chambers in My Utmost for His Highest.

Faith, oh ye of little faith! Tomorrow I have my final for pathology. The first exam we took I made a 74% and it is half of my grade. I need a 70% to pass. Staring into this seemingly overwhelming situation, I have so much peace! If I fail, I have not failed. I have obeyed God in coming, and I have grown to know Him in a way words cannot explain. Yet, I do not think it is His will that I drop out of medical school. Somehow I think He will pull me through it. Probably because it is so incredibly obvious that I cannot do it alone! Let it be known, if I make it through this test, it was God alone; His grace, His wisdom, His way!

So for now I have to get back to studying, but please pray with me that He will give me understanding, the He will clear my mind and help me focus, and that no matter what the outcome that He would be glorified!

The Secret Place

1 Corinthians 7:30 says, “and those who weep, as though they did not weep; and those who rejoice, as though they did not rejoice; and those who buy, as though they did not possess; and those who use the world as though they did not make full use of it; for the form of this world is passing away. But I want you to be free of concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife.”

May first few weeks of medical school, I have spent a good majority complaining. I didn’t want to leave Knoxville, my family, my friends. I wasn’t ready to start working hard again, and I definitely didn’t want to work as hard as I had to. I still wanted to sleep in and have fun, but I couldn’t. I was miserable. Don’t get me wrong I was and am still so happy to be here, but it is NOT fun!

My quiet times were suffering, and I had very little joy. I knew I was only here because God really wanted me here, but I couldn’t understand why I was so miserable! He was my ONLY motivation for getting out of bed every day and going to class for 5, 6 or 8 hours and then coming home to study until I went to sleep. It has gotten better, but still I could focus on Him for the storms I saw around me. As I tried hard to focus on Him, I came to this verse this morning after I made myself get up an hour early to make sure I had time to seek His face. He reminded me that it doesn’t matter what my emotions are. Emotions change with the wind. I need to ‘shed’ all my emotions, good and bad, so I can come to Him alone and let Him fill me to over-flowing with His joy and peace and strength that don’t run dry!

I also read in “My Utmost for His Highest” by Oswald Chambers today that “Having a secret stillness before God means deliberately shutting the door on our emotions and remembering Him. . . when we truly live in the 'secret place' it becomes impossible for us to doubt God.”

As Peter kept His eyes on Christ alone when he walked with Him on the water, I too need to keep my focus, my efforts on Him no matter what the waves are doing around me! When I focus solely on Christ, I can only focus on His truth. His is worth it! He is enough!

Divine Intervention

These first two weeks of medical school have been a whirl wind. When I moved up to Christiansburg VA, I was still very much jet-lagged and trying to process all God did in East Africa. Every day I woke up early with my stomach in knots with so much anxiety I couldn’t think straight. The weekend before I started school I drove home to see Julie when she came home from over-seas. It was great seeing my family, but still I could not relax or even sleep very much. For the life of me I couldn’t understand why I was so anxious. Yes I was starting medical school the next day, yes, I had just moved away from home, and yes, I had just returned from a summer long trip to a very difficult culture to live in, but I didn’t think any of those things themselves were keeping me awake; maybe just the combination of it all.

It was incredibly difficult to drive away that Sunday afternoon. Those four hours to VA in the pouring rain seemed to take forever! I couldn’t eat, and so I just drove. About ¾ of the way there I hydroplaned on the interstate. The left side of my truck slammed in to the guard rail and spun me around. I slid off the road before I realized what was happening and could react. The airbag did not deploy and my truck could still run. I got back on the interstate and slowly made my way to the next exit. There I parked at a burger king and called my dad. My entire left headlight was gone and part of my bumper was coming off, but it could have been so much worse! After I settled down some and made myself eat a few fries I got back on the interstate and made my way the last hour to Christiansburg.

The next day I started class. Needless to say I was a little distracted and in a fog. It was so hard to concentrate on science subjects I hadn’t studied in years. When I got home I called dad again and sent him pictures. I took it to a local place to get an estimate for the insurance. Long story shorter, it was totaled. I couldn’t believe it because I had just driven it an hour on the interstate. If that wasn’t Divine Intervention I don’t know what is!

That week I woke up every morning and had to reorient myself. Remember where I was and that I had to get up and go to medical school. I made myself go to some of the welcome week events to try and meet some people. I didn’t want to be around people, but I also didn’t want to be alone. Discontentment was the overarching theme. That Saturday I went to a Bible study held by other second year medical students. Oh how I am thankful God directed me there! The second years were giving us all kinds of advice. Things like don’t let school dictate your life because it will run over anything you don’t deliberately take out of its way. In the midst of all the great advice, the question was posed, what idol is God telling you to give over to Him? As I paused to think what it might be, my family, my friends back home, TN sports (haha j/k), I heard the still small voice whisper ‘comfort.’ Man, it hit like a ton of bricks. That was it. All summer I was uncomfortable hoping that once I returned home I would settle back into a comfortable life like normal. But I didn’t. And I wasn’t comfortable, actually I was very uncomfortable!

Every day I woke up and went to school where I sat through 5, 6 or ever 7, 8 hours of science lectures. Then I would go home and study all that information because I had another 6 hours of class the next day. I didn’t have time to sit and chill, play basketball, watch the Olympics. I didn’t have anyone familiar around me to keep me going. And yet every day I had the opportunity to learn more and more about how amazing our bodies are, how awesome our God is! God has provided for my every need yet I still complained like a child. I was so focused on how ‘uncomfortable’ I was that I couldn’t see the amazing blessings right in front of me!

That Sunday I went to the church of one of the girls from my Bible study. I settled down and took some time to rest. Dad had come up on Saturday to give me his car for the week until I found one and finally I was beginning to get over myself. Needless to say this week was much better! I am already behind some on keeping up with my lectures and studying, and I am already very tired, but God has given me a renewed purpose. He reminded me I am there for Him. Yes I want to help people, but more than that I want to please Him! That has given me so much peace this week! Peace about finding a vehicle, peace about classes, about friends and settling into a new city. I had my first test on Friday and I actually didn’t freak out!

This weekend I came home to Knoxville in hopes of finding a vehicle and being done with this so I can focus better on school. I made it Friday in time to see part of the Lady Vol soccer game. Wow what a blessing it was to see so many friends after the game! It was so refreshing to have so much fun and see great friends! This morning I was able to get a lot of studying done while dad went to a meeting. We headed out in search for a vehicle and after a few hours, thankfully, we found one!

So, tomorrow I will drive back to VA in my new vehicle and study late into the night for my big test the next day. Then I will begin another day. One day, then another and another; I have three tests this week. It is hard, extremely hard. But this is where I am supposed to be right now. The thing that gives me the most peace when facing how overwhelming med school can be is that I am here for God. Right here right now I am obeying Him. Each day that is my focus. It’s not to pass a test, to get through this or that, or even to become a doctor. Every day I approach it as a chance to obey.

Grace upon Grace

“It was good for you to come today,” she said as she walked me home, “I did not know before that Jesus died for MY sin.” This was the third time we had met for me to tutor her in English. She could not get enough Truth. During our second meeting we began going through John together. She was amazed by this Jesus and commented, “I think Jesus was a good man, but I think He was more than that. I think He is the Son of God.” I sat in complete amazement that this woman would openly confess Jesus as the Son of God.  Upon our third meeting she had read through 11 chapters of John in both English and her native tongue, and had written out several questions for me. Questions like, what is sin, why did Jesus die, what is resurrection. We even talked about the Holy Spirit and His role in our lives. How He is our comforter, counselor, and He shows us Truth in scripture. When she asked about the trinity, I hesitated to explain knowing that with the little bit of English she knew I may only confuse her. But as I tried to explain she said, “I think the Spirit is giving me understanding.” It was rather obvious that God had been at work in her life and was calling her out! The fourth time we met, I brought the English teacher with me to help translate and explain some of the harder concepts. Even then it amazed us at her hunger to know Him! My last time to meet with her came after a tragedy killed many people from her town. We talked about how God is in control of all things, but that He uses them for good, and that He promises to walk through them with us. God never promised we would not face trials, but He promised to always be with us. She stopped me and struggled to ask, “how do I  . . . the Spirit . . . in me . . . how do I get the Spirit? I want to follow Jesus”

Never before had God allowed me the privilege of this moment. To witness Him raise the dead. Right there and then I had the honor of sharing with this precious woman that if she asked, God would forgive HER sin and give HER new life. She then asked if she had to pray in English, with eyes open or closed, hands open or folded. It was totally new to her to be able to come before God just as she is, and talk to Him straight from her heart. That day, the day before I headed back to the States, she walked into new life. Grace upon grace! I did absolutely nothing, and yet God in His grace allowed me to walk with her into life! He never ceases to amaze me!

The past 6 weeks I have been in East Africa. I did not really know why God wanted me to go this summer, the summer before I start medical school. I almost regretted staying so long because one week after I returned I must move to Blacksburg, VA. But now, I know. God took me out of life as I knew it here in comfort and ease, and took me where He could humble me and show me Himself in a way that will help me trust Him throughout medical school. This was a very hard trip for many different reasons, but the fruit that came of it was worth it all and so much more! Not only did He use me, but He taught me each and every day. He reminded me that I am His, He called me by MY name. He is enough for whatever I face, especially when HE called me to it!  

So many great things happened in East Africa this summer! But because I must now switch my focus to packing, moving and preparing to start school, I will have to wait and write about the rest later. But for all of you who lifted us up thank you so much! God did amazing things there this summer and He is still working there! Please continue to pray for our new sister in Christ. Pray her faith will grow and spread like fire. Pray for her family especially her husband to be drawn to Christ as he sees a difference in her and as she has already begun sharing with him. Grace upon grace, this is our God. Amazing grace!

Andrew's graduation

To Africa and Beyond!

I hate good buys. I would much rather just let things happen quickly so I don't have time to dwell on the changes coming. So, for my last summer before I begin medical school I will be spending 6 weeks in East Africa. And when I return, I will have all of 1 week before I move to Virginia. Yet in doing so, I have come to realize that this week is really my last one in Powell, TN.  Well, these next 3 days really.

As I am scrambling to make sure I not only have everything ready for my trip but also everything ready to begin school on my return I want to pause to say thanks. I am one of the richest people in the world. Ok technically yes, compared to the rest of the world, but also in blessings. I have been blessed with an amazing family, one I will miss greatly as I begin my own life apart from them. And I am so incredibly thankful for my church and the truth that I was given my whole life, not to mention the amazing friends throughout the years! I am astounded by the grace of God that has been poured out on my life!

As I leave this Thursday headed for East Africa, I ask that you join me in prayer. The area I will be going to is very high security and so I will not be able to post updates throughout my trip as I have done in the past. However, I will be sending my parents an email whenever possible to have them forward to anyone who would like to keep up with what God is doing while I am there. Please message me your email if you would like to receive those updates.

My team consists of myself and two other college women. Our purpose as my team goes is for His name to be made known, to be an encouragement to those around us, and to fulfill the command He has given us. We are confident He will supply all our needs and use us in ways we never thought possible. We also know and look forward to see how He will change and shape our lives. Would you make an impact on eternity by praying for us as God does great things in Africa this summer.


Please pray that I would be faithful to put on His armor; that I would remember that I am not fighting flesh and blood but that my war is spiritual. Pray “that utterance would be given me, that I may open my mouth boldly to make known the mystery of the Gospel.” Ask God to use this experience to prepare me for the long hard journey that awaits my return to the States. Ask Him to reveal Himself to me, my team, and the people there in a life-changing way that compels us to give Him our all.


Thank you to everyone who has and will pray for my team and I. And thank you to everyone who has impacted my life so greatly! May God bless you all richly!


4 His glory!
Janie 

After 23 years, my mother and father had their last child exit the public school system. That's alot of papers, projects, tests, and homework not to mention for 5 different children! So mom and dad congratz on YOUR graduation! You got us all through it!

Undergrad - IT IS FINISHED!

Wednesday May 9^th at about 4:00pm I will walk across a stage at Thompson Boiling Arena and receive my Bachelors of Science in Education. It is crazy to think that after that point I will no longer be a student of the University of Tennessee but rather of the Virginia College of Osteopathic Medicine. I still feel way too young to be starting medical school in August! But rather than look forward to that rather large mountain ahead of me, I want to take a moment to remember what God has done to get me here.

I recently looked back through my school calendar to what I was doing in January.  There was soccer practices, tests, and the usual. Then I read where I had my interview for VCOM. It is so crazy to me to think that in just these last few months God gave me an interview for medical school and an offer! And how life has changed since then! From then on I began really seeking the Lord and asking that He would prepare me, because I knew I was by no means ready!

The journey He took me on this semester has been different than ever before. He has been showing me how to give Him everything. How to legitimately BE a living sacrifice. And let me tell you it has been a hard journey! But praise be to God I think I might be a little closer to where He wants me to be! It has been a lonely few months. I have poured myself out and been forgotten by many. And though at first my flesh screams out not wanting to be forgotten, God has gently reminded me why I do what I do. For example, Wednesday afternoon when I walk across that stage, many of the people I thought for sure would want to celebrate that day with me will not be there. At first I wanted to be really mad and wondered how they could forget or how it wasn’t that important to them. But God reminded me that I did not go to college for them, I didn’t go for me, or even to get this degree. I went to college for Him and Him alone. So glory be to God alone, I am graduating not for my glory but all for His!

By no means have I learned all these lessons, but I am one step closer. I want to be totally and completely devoted only to God. I want to pour myself out 110% for Him and only for His glory! I want to leave my pride out of it. My prayer now is that God would grant me humility, that my whole heart would be His alone!

So here is to ending my undergraduate career and starting something amazing that only God knows what it is! I am just so thankful that He will prepare me and use me for His glory!

road to med school.mov

It's official!

One week ago today I sat with 6 other interviewee's nervously awaiting the chance to prove we could make it through medical school. From 8:30 until about 3 I tried to take in what it would be like to actually be a medical student in Blacksburg. The interviews went well and we were told that f we were accepted they would call us in one week. So today began, one week after my interview and I spent a good part of the morning in prayer. It was really cool to me how God brought so many verses to my mind for me to pray through. Verses like in Psalm 139 where it says "My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in secrete, and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth. Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them." or Jer 33:3 "Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know." And Jer 29:11 " For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future."

After my morning in prayer, I had much more to focus on. Today was also Andrew's signing ceremony at the high school. Almost our whole family was in town to celebrate him signing to run track for Georgetown university. Back at the house we were about to dig into the cake when I received a phone call from Virginia. My hands began to shake and my heart was pounding! I had been accepted to the Virginia College of Osteopathic Medicine! My mind began to race as the director of admissions began informing me of what I needed to do next.

Our house erupted as I shared the news. I don't think it has really sunk in yet, but I bet I have said or thought "oh my gosh . . . how in the world . . . God is amazing!" like a million times Never before has the greatness, grace, love and realness of God been so evident to me! Looks like I'm going to be moving to Blacksburg! But for all of you VOL fans out there don't worry, I'll be representing the big orange in Hokie country!

So close . . .

Week four has begun at the University of Tennessee. I am just settling in to the new schedule and planning out what this semester will look like. Never did I ever imagine that on top of my weekly homework, the 4th week of my last semester in college would include a medical school interview! I only completed my secondary application for the Virginia College of Osteopathic Medicine about 3 weeks ago. I had just begun to relax knowing all my applications were finished when I received a call inviting me to interview with them! One year ago I was just deciding to follow God on this path, and honestly, I had little faith I would be where I am today. God's amazing grace has so guided me this past year I stand in awe of what all He has done! So, for now, I am preparing for a day-long interview on Thursday February 2nd. Please join me in praying that God would receive all the glory for whatever comes of this. Please pray that I will abide in Him for everything I need up to and at the interview. It is no longer I who live but Christ in me, and I am confident that He who began this good work in me is faithful to complete it!

And we Beheld. HIS. GLORY!

I just returned from Passion 2012 in the Georgia Dome. It was one of those things that I had heard about and honestly only wanted to go because I knew John Piper AND Beth Moore would be speaking. I had only mentioned to my sister Julie how I would like to go, but had neither the resources to do so, nor was I around our college group enough to let our leader know I wanted to go. But I guess God wanted me there, because I ended up on the list and Monday afternoon I left with 23 others from our church to head to Atlanta.

We arrived a little late but walking into the dome and seeing 45,000 people worship God was breath-taking! I remember thinking, "Oh my goodness, I wonder if this is what Heaven is going to be like?" That first night just blew me away with the bigness of this conference. The crazy thing is that from 45,000 people they were able to break us up in to community groups of a few thousand and from there groups of 8. In these small groups we were able to discuss and digest what we learned in the main sessions and we could pray for each other and be prayed for.

That night we arrived back at our hotel about 1:30 am. We were all already exhausted. But morning came rather soon and on 4 hours of sleep we began our first full day of the conference. That morning Beth Moore spoke. It was my first time hearing her in person. She spoke on the woman with the issue of blood who touch the hem of Jesus' garment and was healed. Her point was that we all have uncomfortable, ugly, dirty secrets that we need healing from, and that Jesus knows how dirty we are and He still heals us, completely. That afternoon, we learned of the overwhelming 27 million people trapped in slavery today. That's more than ever before. Loui set the goal for us to raise 1 million dollars to fund operations to stop human trafficking. That works out to roughly $22 a person. He said "instead of taking from the rich and giving to the poor, we are taking from the poor and giving to the the poorest."

I loved hearing speaker after speaker preach truth, straight from the Bible, without watering it down. The true gospel was preached, the point was made that life is only about God and when we focus on knowing and loving Him above all else everything else pales in comparison, and that the real answer to human trafficking is discipleship; that we have to take what we learned there back to our campuses. The last lesson before we left, Loui gave us Eph 6:19,20. Its were Paul is in prison and he has just told the church to put on the armor of God. He then goes on the say," pray for me also, that utterance may be given unto me, that I may open my mouth boldly, to make known the mystery of the gospel, For which I am an ambassador in bonds: that therein I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak." Loui implored us not look forward as though our life starts when we finish college or when we do whatever, God has a purpose for us now, and it is to glorify Him through sharing the gospel with every opportunity and with all boldness.

Never before have I witnessed such true worship of God. Never before have I felt the presence of God so strongly that even a worker in the conference center stopped someone and asked what was going on because she felt something in her chest she had never felt before. She came to Christ because the presence of God was in that place! As a child I used to pray for revival in this nation. I knew that America was tanking and that it is very possible that Jesus will come back very soon. But I used to pray that we would have at least one more great revival in this nation. Yet, being in college and seeing how fake so many 'Christians' are I had grown cold and lost faith that God could do much of anything with this generation.

Yet, this week, I saw the power of God shine forth from those same college students. God showed up, and made all the difference! The worship that was experienced there was as close to reckless abandonment of self I have ever known. We sang together over and over that we surrender ourselves completely to His will and His way. His name was lifted high and made known in a way I never thought possible. Revival is not out of reach. God is at work among the college students of America and I would not be surprised if revival broke out across the country from what He has done!

Oh, and our goal to raise 1 million dollars to stop human trafficking, we smashed it! Our grand total was a little over 3 million! But more than that, God has started a fire in all of us to take action. We will raise awareness but if it doesn't produce action then it's in vain. We now know in our hearts, not just our heads, that God is powerful and He has a job for us, now. He has something for each of us to do right now, right where we are, and we must obey. I know God has rejuvenated and revived me this week. He has given me the the fire to start this semester and make a difference for Him.

I can't wait to see what God does with this, because I know it's going to be big! So, please join me in praying. Pray for an end to human trafficking, join with us to fight this, pray for revival in this nation, believing that it can happen. I'm adding a few links were you can see what God has done at passion and one were you can take a survey to see how many slaves had to work to make the things you use everyday. I would encourage you to do this and then take action to demand suppliers buy slave-free products.