And another trip is officially in the books. Similar to many I have done in the past and yet very different. My first trip practicing as a fully license pediatrician though not the first operating independently. Definitely lots of firsts in the way of adventures. Being on a river that comes off the Amazon was breath taking. Being in the jungle. Staying on a boat and sleeping in a hammock. It was a lot of fun.
So now comes the time to reflect on what God taught me there. Because if it is only a great adventure then it is a waste. Did God show up? Did He change me? Did we do any real lasting good? I often struggle with these questions after short term trips knowing the dangers of doing them poorly. Well, I can say that I watched God take a group of essentially strangers and make them family all based on our relationship with Him. As it should be. And I watched these Americans blend with Peruvians to pour out love on people who desperately needed encouragement and love (as we all do). I do think God allowed us to be His hands and feet to show Himself to His people. And what a blessing. It does hurt my heart to see the physical needs, to know how to help or how to fix things, but not have the resources. There were definitely a few that I think really benefited medically. Like a 11m old baby weighing only 9lbs. We were able to get her set up with formula, a plan for catch up growth and someone to help mom with feeding her. Or the young woman who had such bad mastitis she was already septic and would’ve been in septic shock in a day or two if the source wasn’t controlled. And I’m very thankful God allowed us to be able to intervene in those situations. As a physician I always wish I could do so much more and it is easy to feel defeated when I can’t. But I have to remember that Gods plan/purpose for these trips Is often different than mine. Yes, He does provide healing sometimes. But it’s about Him. Making His name known, sharing His amazing Gospel, encouraging my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. And that, we did to the best of our ability. Medicine is only a tool to open the door.
God also gave me a sweet reminder of Himself. I am convinced this is a result of the prayers of many of you for this trip. So thank you! For a few days before I left I could feel the anxiety building in me. All the unknowns of the boat, the living quarters, being in the jungle. Then God gave me a simple reminder that seemed to quiet it all. And I pray He enables me to hold onto it. As a physician there is something we call the ‘burden of knowledge.’ Obviously this does not only occur with physicians but in many occupations. For example, when a patient or especially a loved one has some problem like a cough or fever or whatever, we know that yes it is most likely this, but it could be this, this, or this and I really hope it’s NOT this. Part of the art of medicine is knowing when to worry about things and when not to, and then when to worry your patient or not to. There are many things that go unsaid in order to avoid unnecessary anxiety, but things we are aware of and looking into. God simply reminded me that He is not only the ultimate physician but the ultimate authority and supreme power. He knows every single threat and danger to each of us and not only does He know about them, how dangerous they are or aren’t, but He also has the power to intervene completely! When I’m in the jungle, He knows where every deadly snake, spider, whatever is located and has the power to move that location or not. It truly is so foolish of us to be anxious. Of course this doesn’t only apply to the jungle. Whatever that thing is that steals your joy and peace, He knows every single tiny detail. And He has complete control over it! Laying in that hammock on a boat in the middle of the jungle: that was the most peaceful and at rest I have been in a very long time. Because I just let go and chose to ‘be’ in the moment. If I can have that kind of peace in that environment, you and I can have peace anywhere. Are we going to keep striving to have what we perceive as control over every detail and waste time worrying, or are we going to trust God to work out the details as He promises? Even coming back on the plane very early this morning I felt the anxiety about all the things I have to get done trying to take over. And again had to remind myself that it will get done. Let tomorrow worry about it’s own things, sufficient for today are its own troubles (Matthew 6:34).
Of course we have to be smart and not test God. Like maybe be smart about where I hang out in a big city at night. But if God tells me to go to a ‘bad’ part of town because He has a purpose for me there I should go trusting He goes before and behind me. But I’ll still be aware and have my head on a swivel. All this to say, I know Gods plan for us does NOT include all this anxiety we all carry around. We can have peace and joy knowing that He knows all and is truly working it for our good. He has helped me overcome some of my unbelief these past few days. I pray He does the same for you too. So, for now I am trusting in the waiting that He will at least light my next step when He wants me to take it, even if it is just one step at a time.
