A topic for this dark night

Death. The one word that sends shivers through our bodies. To some it seems as though only a word for those of advanced years, and to others it is the quintessence of all their fears, yet to still others it is merely the door to a life far greater. As an athletic trainer at the University of Tennessee during my undergraduate experience, I struggled with how to deal with telling athletes they had a season-ending injury. How do you bring comfort to someone in a moment where that which defines them has been taken away? Or even, loosing a hard fought game, what were those magic words that would lift their spirits and keep their heads high? Through my 3 years facing such situations I leaned towards the side of, “Hey there’s nothing we can do about what has happened, but how do we move forward and learn from it” type of comfort. But still I knew there was more. That did not satisfy the root of the problem, their identity as division 1 collegiate athlete was being threatened. The one constant thing throughout their entire life, their sport, was endangered. For those athletes whom I knew where Children of God, I could reassure them that there is a greater purpose for them, that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him, that ultimately our identity is in Christ and nothing can take that away. But, what about the majority of my athletes who didn’t know Christ? I knew this was an opportunity to show His love, His hope, and His grace, but how? Never once did I feel as though I took full advantage of those opportunities. Thankfully, I know that God uses even my ‘failed’ attempts to further His work. But as I faced coming to medical school, one of my biggest questions was how to I face my patience when they are dying? Again, what an opportunity to show Christ, yet what a hard place to be in.

Tonight we brought in an oncologist from Pittsburg to talk about just that. He deals in the area of bone marrow transplants, and unfortunately he is part of the dying process for many of his patients. Honestly, I’m still digesting all he had to say, but as he talked all I could think was “I want to be that kind of physician!” You see the thing is 10 out of 10 people die. Death, no matter your view of it, will be a part of your life in some way. The career path God has placed me on, puts me in a place that I can either help you prepare for that time whenever it may come or I can help you ignore it and try to prolong the inevitable. The overarching theme from this oncologist was that more than anything we must “Be” Christ to our patients, well really to everyone. They need that authentic love and care that we can only give if we take time to get to know them. Love is a universal language and in times of death, no matter what the religious back ground of a person, that is how you can show Christ to them. You see if I didn’t have Christ, and didn’t have the hope I have in Him, I would have to build a wall between me and each patient otherwise I would break from the overwhelming weight of it all. But it is essential that I become vulnerable and know my patients so I can care for them the way they need it. I don’t have time to go into all the details of the talk, but I was so impressed by his knowledge of God and how he applied it in the most critical of times.

This Oncologist really loves his patients, and as a result he is helping them and their families face death in the best way possible. For believers he reminded us they have already been healed when Christ died on the cross and that physically God will heal them either on Earth or in Heaven. For those who don’t know Christ, he told us to still talk of God and act out God’s love showing its authenticity. We can help patients and families gain closure by talking through realistic goals before hand and getting to know what’s important to each individual patient. He also stressed that we must help patients let go, because ultimately the outcome is out of our control. One of the best things about the points he made is that really, this is how we should be living everyday life. If we are faithful to daily take up our cross and abide in Christ, this will come naturally as we interact with everyone around us. These are not principles only for those who deal with dying, but this is how the body of Christ should show hope and love to a dying world.

Lord, please, would you shape me and mold me into that kind of physician that can be vulnerable in order to love like you love. Would you give me the words in each moment to help patients and their families prepare for the unknown. Would your love so overflow from me that they would see you in the midst of their darkest days. You defeated death, and so I shall not fear it, but let me not be so naive to think that even those who know you do not feel the pain it brings. Lord, whatever your plans for me, prepare me to help those in my influence die the good death.

Sacrifice, mountains, and more

I walked away from a long exam one morning enjoying how it felt to be done. A brief breath of air amongst the tide of constant studying. It's a great thing to work so hard for something, finish it and get to look back on what you've done with a sense of accomplishment and relief. We have all had that feeling and the pride that comes with it. And yet this morning I also realized this momentary joy doesn't even compare to the joy you get from looking back at that same huge task knowing that in and of yourself there was no way you could scale that mountain; yet here you stand by the power of God alone! That feeling, not of accomplishment and pride, but of utter humility and awe is one of the greatest feelings in the world! So you can work really hard, grit your teeth and accomplish whatever dream is in your reach, or you can step out on faith. Follow God when He leads you to something you could never do on your own. Then all that hard work and the mountain that has been moved can be laid at the feet of the one who saved you and in that moment you will have fulfilled your purpose.

We are told it only takes a mustard seed of faith to move a mountain. I always wondered how exactly that worked. But I've realized now as I am about to finish another segment of medical school that this is my mountain. I remember quite well looking ahead to taking the MCAT, applying to and being accepted to medical school and visualizing it as Mount Everest. I didn't want to even attempt to scale it because, if by some miracle I made it, then there was the even greater mountain of medical school itself. But God in His grace kept me going. If it were up to me I would never be here simply because I was too afraid to try. I would never have known the great things God could accomplish through me. So this morning instead of taking a moment of pride in finishing this exam before I move on the the next, I'm choosing to remember how I got here and the power that is at work in me. Never before have the truths of Ephesians 3:20,21 been so real to me, "Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us,  to HIM be glory! . . ."

But the thing is, God still requires us to step out on that faith. It requires a certain amount of sacrifice. The relationships (the one that is hardest for me), the sleep, the time, the hard work, it goes on and on. One night during finals, I was at my breaking point. Every time I start not wanting to studying I just have to grit my teeth and keep going, because ,well you just have to. But I had already done that several times in that last few days and this was different. I was tired, and overwhelmed by all that needed to be done. On top of that I was mad about everything I had been missing out on. Friends weddings, heck just missing out on my friends lives. Then I sat on my bed with my flash cards and looked over at my head board that I made 2 years ago when I found out I got into med school. It reads "YAWEAH, He is worth it, He is enough". . . How many times have I glanced up there just when I needed to be reminded. Sacrifice, yes, but in the end, He is worth it.