This has been a very different year for me to say the least.
Residency has come with a mix of joy, satisfaction, and yet heart break and
frustration. This Christmas day for the first time, probably of several to
come, I will be working. I must be
honest and say it has been very difficult for me to get in the Christmas spirit
all month long. I had good intentions and put my tree up at the beginning of
the month. For the first time I actually listened to Christmas music all month
long instead of waiting until like 2 weeks before. I was really enjoying it
all, until the Gatlinburg fires. I don’t really understand why exactly, but
they hit me pretty hard, and every time I listened to Christmas music that’s
all I could think about. Because few things go with the Christmas season like
Gatlinburg TN. Since then all I could see was what I was missing out on. How lonely
it can be to be working the holidays while in a different state than your family,
without a family of your own. . . and so forth and so on. I kept telling
myself, this isn’t about me. Christmas isn’t about the lights, or the fun extra
things we could do while on a break from school or work. It’s not about even family
and getting to see loved ones you haven’t seen in a while (granted I will get
to see them, just a few days after Christmas). It’s really all about Christ,
the gift God gave us, gave me. Why wasn’t this enough to give me just as much
or even more joy than a kid on Christmas morning.
Last week I kept trying to make myself be joyful, and it
just wasn’t happening. Then I started praying. Lord, I don’t really feel it,
but I chose to worship in this moment, I chose to think on you, and I ask, I
plead that you would fill my thoughts with you, that I may be able to worship
you this season, and be overflowing with joy solely because of you and what you
did for me.
Well it didn’t happen immediately, but I kept praying. And
the Lord answered my prayers. Tonight, though I am tired and have to work in
the morning, though I’m not home for Christmas, and though I didn’t get to
worship with my home church tonight. I still worshiped! This season, this baby,
it means everything. God gave up His only son, Jesus set aside His glory as God
to come and He veiled Himself in human form so that He could live a perfect
life, and die in MY place. He came to pay my ransom that I could never pay! He
is my hope, my rock, my life. And even though Christmas looks way different for
me this year than it ever has, it is just as sweet and joyous!
So for those who don’t get to celebrate with family or
friends, who have to work, or for those who feel much more sadness and emptiness
this season than joy, for the family that lost loved ones even this week; “The
people who walked in darkness, have seen a great Light; those who live in a
dark land, the Light will shine on them” Isaiah 9:2. This Light has come. And,
He not only came, but He defeated death, and if you will repent and believe,
that is your victory too! This is Christmas. This baby, He is life, and life
more abundantly!
So, instead of opening gifts in the morning, I pray God will
so work in my heart that I can give Him all I have. That He would allow me the
grace to bring all that I have and lay it at His feet. I am overwhelmed this
Christmas Eve night with the grace and love and longsuffering of my God. That
He would be patient with me in my struggles, and that He would ultimately allow
me the indescribable gift of knowing Him! There is no greater thing! “For to
me, to live is Christ!”
