The depth of Christmas

This has been a very different year for me to say the least. Residency has come with a mix of joy, satisfaction, and yet heart break and frustration. This Christmas day for the first time, probably of several to come, I will be working.  I must be honest and say it has been very difficult for me to get in the Christmas spirit all month long. I had good intentions and put my tree up at the beginning of the month. For the first time I actually listened to Christmas music all month long instead of waiting until like 2 weeks before. I was really enjoying it all, until the Gatlinburg fires. I don’t really understand why exactly, but they hit me pretty hard, and every time I listened to Christmas music that’s all I could think about. Because few things go with the Christmas season like Gatlinburg TN. Since then all I could see was what I was missing out on. How lonely it can be to be working the holidays while in a different state than your family, without a family of your own. . . and so forth and so on. I kept telling myself, this isn’t about me. Christmas isn’t about the lights, or the fun extra things we could do while on a break from school or work. It’s not about even family and getting to see loved ones you haven’t seen in a while (granted I will get to see them, just a few days after Christmas). It’s really all about Christ, the gift God gave us, gave me. Why wasn’t this enough to give me just as much or even more joy than a kid on Christmas morning.

Last week I kept trying to make myself be joyful, and it just wasn’t happening. Then I started praying. Lord, I don’t really feel it, but I chose to worship in this moment, I chose to think on you, and I ask, I plead that you would fill my thoughts with you, that I may be able to worship you this season, and be overflowing with joy solely because of you and what you did for me.

Well it didn’t happen immediately, but I kept praying. And the Lord answered my prayers. Tonight, though I am tired and have to work in the morning, though I’m not home for Christmas, and though I didn’t get to worship with my home church tonight. I still worshiped! This season, this baby, it means everything. God gave up His only son, Jesus set aside His glory as God to come and He veiled Himself in human form so that He could live a perfect life, and die in MY place. He came to pay my ransom that I could never pay! He is my hope, my rock, my life. And even though Christmas looks way different for me this year than it ever has, it is just as sweet and joyous!

So for those who don’t get to celebrate with family or friends, who have to work, or for those who feel much more sadness and emptiness this season than joy, for the family that lost loved ones even this week; “The people who walked in darkness, have seen a great Light; those who live in a dark land, the Light will shine on them” Isaiah 9:2. This Light has come. And, He not only came, but He defeated death, and if you will repent and believe, that is your victory too! This is Christmas. This baby, He is life, and life more abundantly!

So, instead of opening gifts in the morning, I pray God will so work in my heart that I can give Him all I have. That He would allow me the grace to bring all that I have and lay it at His feet. I am overwhelmed this Christmas Eve night with the grace and love and longsuffering of my God. That He would be patient with me in my struggles, and that He would ultimately allow me the indescribable gift of knowing Him! There is no greater thing! “For to me, to live is Christ!”

Our Gracious God

“Therefore having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we also have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance, and perseverance, character, and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us." Romans 5:1-5

I was reading this this morning on my day off, and could just feel the story line building as I read and thought through this passage. Bear with me for a moment. 

1- We have been justified, (made right with God)- how is that even possible? I know all the times I mess up and need forgiveness, yet it was not by anything I did but it was by faith. Faith? That’s it? Not faith plus living a good life? Not faith plus a long set of rules? Just faith . . . 2- I have peace with God through Jesus Christ. . . let that sink in. Almighty, perfect God, the God who has been known to pour out wrath, who is just and cannot look on sin of any kind? Yes, that God. I am at peace with Him. . . wow. But it’s not because I made up for all my wrong remember, it’s because I was justified by faith through Jesus Christ, not me (I didn’t just have enough faith on my own).  3- I have access to grace. Man, this has been a big one for me lately. Daily, hourly, I am in dispirit need of grace. Grace is when we are given something we do not deserve. And if I also got what I deserved I would be in a heap of trouble and even though I am justified and forgiven, it may be hard to tell apart from grace. Because grace is that which comes to my aid in every situation each day helping me live in a way that honors God. That is huge!

And as if bring justified, at peace with God and given all I need to live each day is not enough, he goes on. 4- I can rejoice in trials. What? That’s right. I have a promise, that when, not if, but when I face trial and things that hurt and are hard that I know it’s there to make me stronger, make me more like Christ. Just like muscles need to be stretched, strained, and even torn sometimes to grow and become stronger, so is it with us. Those situations, people, circumstances that are painful, that rub us the wrong way, that challenge who we are, even those things which knock us down and almost defeat us; it is those things which teach us to persevere, so that we can handle more next time. It is those things which build our character so that we better reflect the God who brings us through. And it is through those things in which we find out that we have a hope that does not disappoint. As God brings us through trials and hard times we know His faithfulness and kindness greater than ever, and we know that we know that we have hope in Him. And it is not a fleeting hope, but a certain promise.  Wow, that’s huge!

And as if that’s not enough. 5- We are reminded that on top of all of this, God’s love has been not just given to us, but poured out on us. Can you picture it? I can imagine something like a waterfall running over me, saturating me in the love of Almighty God. How can you not rejoice! But also, we not only have God’s love poured over us, (6) we have His Spirit inside us! God doesn’t just give us these amazing gifts and say good luck. He has given us his Spirit to indwell us and to guide us each day. His love, His grace are not only coming from God down to us, but are coming up out of us through His spirit!

Oh the depths of the love and grace of God!  

Just to recap:

1 1-    I have been justified, not because of what I did but because of Faith

2 2-    I have peace with almighty God again not because I am such a good person but through Jesus Christ and His price at Calvary

3 3-    I have access to grace and all that I need for each day

4 4-    I can rejoice in trials because they are making me more like Christ

5 5-    God’s love has been poured out on me

6 6-    I have been given the Holy Spirit to guide me and teach me and show me more of who God is!

If that doesn’t give you a glory spell and lead you to worship, then well pray about it and soak on it a little more. Our God is awesome! I don’t deserve any of this. Quite the opposite, I deserve to pay for my own sin, which Christ took on Calvary. He took my sin and gave me all of this. That’s totally not fair! But I am incredibly thankful, and the more I think on it, the more thankful I am! Join me in worshiping this great God this morning!

My cup Runneth Over

“Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I Will fear no evil, for thou art with me. Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies, thou anoinest my head with oil; my cup runnith over.” Psalm 23:4,5

Don’t get me wrong, my first 2 weeks of residency have not been the valley of the shadow of death. But I have seen evil face to face in more ways than I would have liked. I’ve been surrounded by an environment rather devoid of the God I love. I only worked 72 hours this past week and about the same the first week.  But, at the same time, the other residents have been wonderful and I have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know them and working alongside them. They have been incredibly patient with me in all my questions and inefficiency. I had honestly prepared for the worst. I thought I would be half asleep all the time, trying to keep my head above water while those around would be aggravated at how ‘green’ I was. Not to mention, I expected it to be incredibly difficult to live intentionally and not just survive residency.  And yet, thus far none of that has happened. Actually, I am rather enjoying myself!

We are very busy and the days seem to fly by, but God has been so amazing and faithful! Each day as I get up He has renewed my strength. I may still yawn at work at times, but He keeps me going. I have been amazed at the peace and clarity He has given me even when we get swamped and I would normally feel overwhelmed. He has enabled me to still be able to take time with my patients and their parents and not get frustrated when they have a ton of questions and I have a ton of things to do. As I look back on each day when I get in my truck to drive home, it hits me that I really am tired and maybe overwhelmed or frustrated, but somehow I did not feel it all day until right then. That is just God’s grace, plain and simple!

I had heard before, probably growing up in church, to pray each day that God would fill you up, give you your portion for the day, so you can be poured out. He gives you just enough for each day. His grace is there and enough. But the portion He gives you only lasts you that day or in that moment or situation, because He wants you to be totally dependent on Him, to come back each morning and ask again and again and again. He wants you to cry out to Him as you face that situation that seems bigger than life or too hard to bear. For the first time in my life, I get it. I’ve known this for years and prayed it even. But the past 2 weeks I’ve been living it! And I am loving life! I’m not overwhelmed nor do I despair when I think about doing this constantly for 3 years! Rather I am quite excited, and I praise God for bringing me here!

Why is it that we must be in the midst of something hard and ‘uncomfortable’ to be forced to rely on God? Why is it that now in what is seemingly the physically and mentally toughest part of my life that I feel God the closest? I don’t really know, but it does seem to fit according to God’s character in how He draws us to Him. But even if I don’t understand it all, I’m so thankful He brought me here, and that He has been faithful to fill me up each day, because I literally feel like I’ve been poured out to the last drop at the end of the day. But isn’t that how it should be? In the times that we live in and in the dark secular world that surrounds us, we must pour out all that God has filled us with. Maybe, just maybe this is how we soar on wings like Eagles, or how we thrive instead of just survive? Don’t get me wrong, I have not arrive, not do I deserve this amazing grace that God has poured out on me, it is only His grace! I am just so thankful for the prayers of God’s people who have lifted me up to Him. I honestly think this is a direct answer to those prayers. Thanks to each of you, may God so fill you each day!