"We are the clay and You our potter" Isa 64:8

2013, a year, an amount of time in which for some meant heartache and for some celebration. Thankfully it saw my transfer from the lowly first year medical student to the less lowly second year med student. I don’t even want to think of all the facts I have memorized or learned throughout this year, though I do have a large tub of used flashcards that remind me how far I’ve come. The strangest thing as happened however. With med school year 1, so much uncertainty, so much over my head, constantly feeling overwhelmed, I came to know Christ and His faithfulness to me in a way I had never known it. So many verses made it the 16 inches from my head to my heart. He is faithful, He is all I need, He is the source of my wisdom, my joy, my strength. He is my all in all. Then with my second year in school, after a month of sleep and recuperation, I started losing my first love. I had done most of this before and I know how to play the game. But with the new confidence, and better efficiency

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Food will be in no short supply. Laughter, hugs, excitement for the next few days. A time to stop and remember we have been blessed beyond comprehension. I mean who are we to deserve any of it? Not only family, food (way too much of it!) friends, and wealth, but for those of us who have been adopted in the family of God, we are heirs of Christ! Forget everything else, God calls us sons and daughters! One of my all time favorite quotes sums it up nicely, "He who has God and everything, has no more than he who has God alone." I'm pretty sure we could dwell on that the rest of our lives and still not comprehend what it means to be an heir of God. How foolish to cling onto our Earthly treasures instead of letting go and being filled with eternal ones. But I propose it is not that we do not want to have the treasures of God, rather in our pride we trust our own interpretation of what is good instead of trusting what God says is magnificent. We cannot

Death. The one word that sends shivers through our bodies. To some it seems as though only a word for those of advanced years, and to others it is the quintessence of all their fears, yet to still others it is merely the door to a life far greater. As an athletic trainer at the University of Tennessee during my undergraduate experience, I struggled with how to deal with telling athletes they had a season-ending injury. How do you bring comfort to someone in a moment where that which defines them has been taken away? Or even, loosing a hard fought game, what were those magic words that would lift their spirits and keep their heads high? Through my 3 years facing such situations I leaned towards the side of, “Hey there’s nothing we can do about what has happened, but how do we move forward and learn from it” type of comfort. But still I knew there was more. That did not satisfy the root of the problem, their identity as division 1 collegiate athlete was being threatened. The one constan

I walked away from a long exam one morning enjoying how it felt to be done. A brief breath of air amongst the tide of constant studying. It's a great thing to work so hard for something, finish it and get to look back on what you've done with a sense of accomplishment and relief. We have all had that feeling and the pride that comes with it. And yet this morning I also realized this momentary joy doesn't even compare to the joy you get from looking back at that same huge task knowing that in and of yourself there was no way you could scale that mountain; yet here you stand by the power of God alone! That feeling, not of accomplishment and pride, but of utter humility and awe is one of the greatest feelings in the world! So you can work really hard, grit your teeth and accomplish whatever dream is in your reach, or you can step out on faith. Follow God when He leads you to something you could never do on your own. Then all that hard work and the mountain that has been moved

It was already a very full weekend. Football game, family time, friend time, not to mention I needed to get in about 20 hours of studying somewhere. But this visit was a priority and I could not wait! When I walked up to the complex the children immediately recognized me. Their smiles warmed my heart in a way that hasn’t happened in a while. When I came to the door instead of the traditional kiss she gave me an American hug and I was a little taken aback by it. Instead of adapting my customs to honor her, she honored me. Her neighbor, another friend of mine, came over and when asked if she was attending that evening’s social event, she replied (in reference to me) “No, this is not just a friend, this is my family.” It had only been about 2 years since I had seen them, yet the bonds created where still so strong. It was a great visit, and a wonderful reminder of why I am in medical school. She made me a wonderful Middle Eastern dish and as I ate we talked about her back pain; how mult

My freshman year of high school, I made the drum line. Though my appearance was one of 10 year old with long blonde hair I could drum with the rest of them and found myself on the snare line. The snare drum is not the hardest drum to play, or some may say not the most fun, but all would agree it is the most important. The snare line is the backbone of the drum line, which is the backbone of the band. Every drummer on the snare line must be 100% in sync with one each other or all that will be heard is a jumbled mess. So with being apart of such a responsibility came much pride because you legitimately held the band together. A high school band can be known for some crazy shenanigans. As the only freshman girl on the drum line I was aware I had to let everyone know I was much tougher than I looked, much, much tougher. I had to set the tone with these upper classman guys, that though I may look easy to run over, they could not do so. And thus at my first opportunity I

Life, they always tell you eventually you’ll grow up. That where ever you are right now will be very different in a few years. I’ve often wondered how a change like adulthood takes place. I’m 23 and at times still feel like a teenager wondering through life. How does it happen? I’ve noticed that almost every elderly lady I see has cute short silver hair, easy to fix and maintain. But so many women have long hair, when do they decide they’re old enough to cut it short?   Does it just get on their nerves so much one day they chop it all off? Do they cut it off slowly so that maybe you could tell a women’s age by the length of her hair? The last 2 years I have felt this tug between growing up and wanting to stay a kid. Some days I’m ready to be married and have my own family, and other days I want to move back home. It’s probably a really good thing I have 6 more years of school before I’m out in the real world. I also seriously wondered how VCOM could take the bunch

I walked into David’s Bridal for the 3 rd time ever in my life. The first time, I barely remember as I watched my oldest sister try on wedding dresses. That first time it was hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that my sister was getting married. I just did exactly as I was told, like a little school girl, with trying on brides maid’s dresses and such. It was a simple, elegant wedding. I stood a few feet away from the bride and it all seemed so surreal. The only thing I remember clearly is how my second oldest sister wept as they said ‘I do’. That seems like it was so long ago. My brother was actually little then, not the giant that not engulfs me into his arms now. I don’t think I have any pictures from that wedding because that was really before everything was digital, and the pictures we have are all in an album somewhere, or on our parent’s piano. My second trip to David’s Bridal came shortly after I arrived home from a month long stay in Africa. I had spent that mo

Tonight I sat on my bed with laptop open to the game cast of the Women’s College World Series Championship Series Game 1. The Lady Vols were playing Oklahoma in an incredible battle of talent! I sat with my stacks of flashcards trying to studying septic shock, pneumothoraxes, and upper respiratory infections for my exam on Wednesday. The game began at 8pm and though it went rather quickly from inning to inning it lasted over 4 hours! In the circle for UT stood Ellen Renfro, who I met over a year ago at an FCA with her sister Ivy. I have always been so impressed by their personalities and character. Most importantly, I loved that they represented Christ well and stayed humble though they both are very gifted in the pitching circle! And the first baseman, Mel sat beside me in several Kinesiology classes last year where we became good friends as well. She also has a great story of Christ’s work in her life and is as hard working in the class room as she is the field. My stomach sta

A stethoscope is a very interesting thing. As a kid it is like the one thing you have to have to ‘play doctor,’ and it has become quiet the symbol for the health care profession. There is just something about putting a stethoscope around your neck that makes you feel important, like you could change lives. I received my first stethoscope at my white coat ceremony back in October. And, for the first time in my life I actually used it on a real person (other than myself, my family, or my friends) yesterday. We are midway through cardiopulmonary block and just recently had a clinical medicine exam over heart sounds and what they indicate etc. But still we had only listened to heart sounds online, through Ipod apps, or on each other. Lubb Dubb . . . Lubb Dubb . . .   Lubb Dubb . . . you should have seen us fiddling with our stethoscopes trying desperately to look and act like we knew what we were doing.   That was about 2 weeks ago, and since then our school has decid

They say medical school is hard. They say it is not for the faint of heart. They say if you’re going to do it, you had better have a reason that’s worth it. I don’t want to given anyone the impression that my journey thus far has been unrealistically easy, or that it is impossible. My goal is to be open and share how I am being taught both in school and in life. The reason I haven’t written in so long is partially because free time as been hard to come by, but also because I haven’t had much good to say. The start of cardiopulmonary block hasn’t been wonderful and I’ve been in a lull. But, that’s life and God is still there in the midst of not-greatness, in the mundane everyday things of life. And so I’m writing. I’m choosing to be open but how all those people where right, to some extent, that medical school is hard. Coming back from break was like being thrown back into a warzone after leave and getting hit with an attack your first day. OK, so maybe that’s a bit

When I was in Malawi Africa on my first summer long mission trip God first woke me up to something. I was a sophomore in college and all I wanted to do was be done with college so I could move to Africa and begin my ministry. God humbled me like no other that year and that summer in Africa was met with the most spiritual warfare I have ever experienced. Daily I was forced to put on my armor and seek His face. Half way through the trip God showed me that I had only been surviving. Learning how to live without electricity or running water, how to cook my food ect. But He did not send me there to survive. My time there was short, and far be it from me to waste it surviving!  God sent me there to preach the Gospel. He sent me there to make an eternal impact for His glory. But then as I began to meditate on this sitting in the middle of my mud house in the village, I realized God wasn't talking about Africa. What I hate so much about America and living here is how easy it is forg

            March 9, 2013, I had to look up the date as I wrote this, because I honestly had no idea what day it was! I have 3 weeks left of my neurology block, the sprint to the finish! This morning I slept in until 8:30 and only got up to go to our CMDA Bible study at 9:30. This week they had a guest speaker from GA come talk to us about how he contracted viral encephalitis in 1996 and the journey to his recovery. Knowing it wasn’t going to be a normal Bible study I thought about sleeping in and getting an early start on my mountain of things on my ‘to do’ list. But I had that feeling that God wanted to say something to me, so I went. Med school is rough. I know it’s supposed to be, but it’s not just endless studying or tests. Life doesn’t stop just because you’re in school, and of course Satan loves to attack when everything else is. During block one I felt like I had been pushed into the deep end of the pool, no, more like I was fighting an attack in the deep end: half of my

You would think that once God brought you to the place of complete surrender that He would help you stay there. Well, ok He does, but that doesn't mean it's a fight against self to not run away! I mean there is a reason Jesus tells us in Luke 9 that "if anyone wants to come with me, he must deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow me."  That first moment of surrender, can be such a struggle and yet such a relief to finally give EVERYTHING to Christ. It's exhilarating to finally give in and know God can and will use you to complete His purposes and to be willing to follow whatever the cost. Too bad those emotions don't stay with you when you actually start to live the surrendered life. It really is a daily struggle, and as I read once from a source unfortunately I cannot remember, "Obedience is not an on the spot decision. It is a die-cast decision beforehand." Everyday we must make the decision that when the moment comes that day we wil

You know that place where you just kind of feel stuck. Where you know you should do something, move in a direction, but you just can't figure out which direction is right. That times about 5 is where I have been lately. Knowing I need to move, but too confused and overwhelmed to pick a direction, I just stayed in one place. I know med school is hard and I know I won't have all the answers so why have I been so caught up in trying to find them? I finally did move, not really in any direction. But, I just decided  to back up a little bit. Remember that story about Peter walking on water? Peter was doing something impossible. He stepped out completely on faith, choosing to focus only on Christ. Even with all that was going on around him, he stepped out in faith. It would have been easy to stay stuck in the boat.  Is that Jesus? Is it a ghost? Do I really need to get out of the boat I mean he IS walking this way? Are there sharks in the water? Can I swim against this current

I have started going through Loving God with All Your Mind by Elisabeth George. It is a book I have read before but never been able to finish. I have a feeling none of us truly love God as we should, and I know I have a very long way to go! Every time I go through this book, I am challenged and inspired. I hope that by sharing some of that with you, you will be also. Elisabeth spends a good part of the book dwelling on Phil 4:8, specifically where it says whatever things are true . . . think on these things. Her point is that too often we allow lies to rule our thought lives. Lies straight from the enemy take us captive and pull us into depression, or some other form of sin. So this week I have been asking God to show me lies I have been believing and truths to counter the attack. Specifically lies about myself, who God says I am, and lies about God. Its not the easiest thing to honestly do this, but here is what God showed me I was believing: 1- God is not enough - very broad but