Just a little faith

I walked into David’s Bridal for the 3^rd time ever in my life. The first time, I barely remember as I watched my oldest sister try on wedding dresses. That first time it was hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that my sister was getting married. I just did exactly as I was told, like a little school girl, with trying on brides maid’s dresses and such. It was a simple, elegant wedding. I stood a few feet away from the bride and it all seemed so surreal. The only thing I remember clearly is how my second oldest sister wept as they said ‘I do’. That seems like it was so long ago. My brother was actually little then, not the giant that not engulfs me into his arms now. I don’t think I have any pictures from that wedding because that was really before everything was digital, and the pictures we have are all in an album somewhere, or on our parent’s piano.

My second trip to David’s Bridal came shortly after I arrived home from a month long stay in Africa. I had spent that month in a village without the luxuries we all take for granted, like a flushing toilet, running water, or reliable electricity. So, to say the least, I was not in the mood to help create an extravagant wedding, flushing the toilet was culture shock enough. There were too many crazy things to deal with for this wedding, and we all just wanted it to be over. Don’t get me wrong it was a great wedding and my sister and her husband are two of the coolest people ever, but all I could think standing on that stage was, ‘can this please be over already!’ But, that may have been due to the blaring lights on us that were making me sweat so much I thought I was going to faint.

For both of these weddings, I didn’t have to do much. I was just one of three sisters of the bride and one of how ever many brides maids and since everyone knew how much weddings and dresses and all that stuff are just not my cup of tea, they let me get away with the bare minimum. But, this day was different. I walked in David’s Bridal knowing I actually had to pay attention and try to care at least a little. My third a final sister is getting married.

We made a pack a long time ago, that we would be each other’s maid of honor. That way the decision would be easy when the time came. So one night last week, my baby sister called me up to tell me she was engaged! The whole thing was a whirl wind really. I mean I’ve been away not only at school but in medical school and so while I knew she was dating a guy I didn’t grasp how serious it was. I had met him a few times and I like the guy, but I mean come on, this is my baby sister we are talking about! I haven’t had time to test this guy and see what he is really made of. I haven’t been around to see if my sister is really old enough to become a wife, that’s a really adult thing to do! But, with all of these fears comes great excitement for her and him. I guess when I really think about it she is way more ready to be a wife than I am! And, he is a pretty good guy . . . ok he is perfect for her. But that brings me back to David’s Bridal, where I actually had to act like the maid of honor.

Apparently, the maid of honor is supposed to help the bride-to-be in and out of the dresses she is trying on, and ‘fluff’ the dress as she moves every which way. I’m pretty sure she was helping me more than I was helping her, but hey I tried! I really need to work on my ‘fluffing’ though! I was only in for the weekend and so she really just wanted to show me her favorite dresses and then pick the final one. We also tried on brides maid’s dresses and took lots of pictures. Other than that we didn’t do much more wedding stuff even though I was only in for the weekend. The wedding is in March so we have some time. Though I seriously hope we can get most of it done during my 1 month off of school because I don’t know how much help I will be once my second year gets underway. I do have my list of things that the maid of honor is supposed to do and I’m just really praying that God helps me through it. All the girly stuff of the wedding aside, the one thing I know I can do is be the emotional stability she needs during this roller coaster. I may not be good at anything else, but I can be her support. So, I’m actually kind of excited about the whole thing. I’m ready to be there for her even if the timing isn’t so great and I have no idea what I’m doing.

I won’t lie though; already I have felt it trying to eat at me, my little sister getting married before me. Yeah, I would love to have already met my husband and be on that track, but frankly I don’t have time for it right now, and I need to keep reminding myself of that. This is where God has me right now, and I have to trust Him with the future. I don’t want to live my life alone, but I also have to keep reminding myself I really won’t ever be alone.

Trust. . . Focus. . . These have been my struggle lately. I have all of 2 days of lectures and 2 weeks of finals left of my first year in medical school. But, it will be a fight to the end. It’s summer time, and I am just about over school. Not to mention that I have literally studied so much my eyes muscles have fatigued to the point that I can only study for so long before I get a headache and nauseated. I seriously have to fight the urge to just make it to June 26^th. I was reminded today however, that “Without faith it is impossible to please God.” Hw 11:6 and that not only is it impossible to please Him, but that anything we do apart from faith is sin Rm 14:23. Again, my aim here is to please God, not survive finals and make it through year 1. That makes life so much simpler, and yet so much more difficult. We are not called to survive, but to thrive where we are planted. We are not waiting on some perfect day or age where we can be used by God, we are to serve Him now wherever we are, in whatever circumstance.

So, as I face my last 2 days of class and the beginning of my finals I must prioritize my day based on what pleases Him. Am I in faith living as He wants me to live? Is my studying effort pleasing to Him, is the time I spend with this person or at this place pleasing to Him? And do I trust that no matter what happens, as long as I please Him, I have the victory? Do I trust that when I fix my gaze on Him alone that He will take care of the rest of it? Am I acting like He is telling me the truth in His word? With all the great and not so great things going on, this is the struggle. May we together look to Him for the grace to obey and step out in faith every day.