Light of the World

This morning I said some of the hardest goodbyes I have said in a while as the Korean students left for Tanzania. What a blessing that group was to me and everyone here and what a void can be felt in their absence. This past week in preparation for their departure we played volleyball together, studied the Word together and even lead worship at the hospital together one morning. It is hard to put into words all that God thought me through them. But most notably, I was impressed and struck by watching their professor. A physician himself who the Lord sought and called to Himself after his career had started and taken off. He now lives to bring colleagues and medical students to Christ. But what struck me most was his patience in letting the Lord work. For example, during Biblestudy this week we talked about Matthew 5 :13-20, “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt has lost its flavor how then shall it be seasoned? It is then good for nothing but to be thrown out and tramped underfoot by men. You are the light of the world. A city on hill cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and puts it under a basket but rather on a lamp stand and it gives light to all who are in the house. In the same way let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in Heaven. . . Unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and phrases, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven.” 

Having coworkers in the same Biblestudy I got a little too excited and honestly went straight into the Gospel and pounded justification by grace through faith and not of works. It must have been way too much too fast because the professor gently took over. And I am very thankful he did. Instead of pounding how a works based faith is obviously wrong and a fools errand, he simply allowed everyone to pounder what Jesus said there and what they though about it. I definitely got frustrated with the lack of understanding on the part of some, yet was gently chastised but the Lord even in that moment as apart from Him I would not have a clue. The professor didn’t just give the answers, he posed questions- leading questions- but allowed time to think and let the Holy Spirit open eyes. I remember thinking I have much to learn from this professor and how he follows the Spirit’s leading instead of plowing through scripture. 

The cool thing about that Biblestudy, is that while I thought God was obviously opening a door wide open to the Gospel from start to finish, I watched the professor take it slow and lead where the Holy Spirit was actually leading. He talked about how truly loving people is one of the ways we shine brightly and are righteous. But what conviction God brought when He showed me how I was trying to love my coworkers, my patients, and even Him in my own strength. While I thought this Biblestudy would bring conviction to others of salvation, God worked in me and brought significant conviction. Am I being salt and light? Am I different enough that it cannot be explained? Am I loving with a love that can only be explained by God Himself? Am I a stumbling block for those whom God is calling or an arrow pointing the way? 

I find myself in this constant battle. I am often tired and hardly even do I ‘feel’ 100%. But despite all our circumstances, we are called to be light in the darkness and to love even our enemies with the love God has placed in us. I cannot do this. Even as a Christian who is trying to honor God and live my life for Him. Every day I have to surround to Him, take up my cross, and let it be Him in me and not even the slightest part me. I’m struggling with that even now. Yes, we’ve had a decent week at the hospital with some patient’s getting better and going home and things staring to get a little easier. And maybe that’s why this is so much harder spiritually. 

So, today I am thankful that God is still molding and shaping me. Thankful that He does not leave me in my sin, but brings conviction and that He provides the grace to overcome. Thankful that He has called my name and given me eyes to see and ears to hear. Thankful for the professor and the work he is doing in Korea and in Kenya. Thankful for each of the 5 Korean students whom I will never forget and whom I already miss dearly. And thankful that God can use even me for His glory. Thankful that His ways are good and right and perfect and I can trust them. Thankful that each and every day, well every moment, He is waiting to forgive me and fill me with Himself when I ask. Thankful that even if salvation does not come today that He is at work and loves His children more than I ever could.