"We are the clay and You our potter" Isa 64:8

“For it is by the grace of God that I am what I am. And His grace towards me was not in vain, but I labored more abundantly than they all, yet not I but the grace of God which was with me” 1 Corinthians 15:10.  One of my favorite things each year growing up was that my pastor would send a personalized birthday card to me each year. For a while I kept a stack of them each with their own verse that he was praying for me that year. I’ll never forget one of the last birthday cards I received from him. It had 1 Corinthians 15:10 in it as the verse he was praying over me that year. I was a young medical student struggling to not fail out of school and keep my eyes on Christ. When I read this verse it could not have come at a better time in my life. It became almost an anthem for me moving forward. I prayed that His grace would help me to labor more abundantly and to continue to become what He intended me to be. I could only hope that someday I may be in a sense ‘worthy’ to say His ...

My brother is marring his wife today. My only brother with whom I have shared countless priceless memories. My only constant best friend through life. Through medical school and residency and multiple moves and many friends. My brother with whom I spent two years reading the Bible from Genesis to Revelation and discussing all God showed us. The one who celebrated multiple Lady Vol national championships with me and mourned the loss of Pat Summit with me. The one who drove 4 hours to watch TN men’s basketball beat KY at Rupp arena. The one who we joke is the male version me. What a special priceless gift God gave me in him!  But I do not complete him nor was I made for him nor him for me. It has been a great gift that I will forever cherish but God has something so much greater for us both. And today  Andrew receives his. Today I chose to celebrate with him this wondrous gift God is giving him instead of focusing on my loss. My heart does grieve the relationship we had bu...

The transformation has been quite incredible honestly. When I started residency I was a scared clueless resident afraid to tell a nurse she could give a patient Tylenol. To think that in 3 short years God has transformed me into a physician that was actually useful in a hospital in Kenya without supervision, or the resident who was recognized for pediatric critical care, it is simply astounding what God has done! I don’t think it has really sunken in that I am a pediatrician and no longer a resident. My sister texted me at 6pm the other day and asked if I was awake. I just had to smile because those super crazy 28 hours shifts and stretches of night shifts or 6am shifts, they are for the most part over. I’m not sure that the TV shows give residency justice as far as how hard it is. It truly is an incredible feat to survive and eventually to even thrive in such an environment. And I want to take time to praise the God who made me, who took me to medical school and then residency and s...

My heart is full this morning reflecting on the love, grace and mercy of our God. The past few weeks have been rather big for me. I finally had the opportunity to share our human trafficking protocol and information with our entire pediatric department in something called Grand Rounds. The Lord greatly blessed it and has brought more knowledge of how to help these victims to more people. This week I was blessed to share a Passover meal with our Bible study here and contemplate the 7 things Christ spoke while on the cross. We fixed our eyes on Him while He gave us a glimpse of His agony in bearing sin. I still cannot wrap my head around the moment when God the Father turned His back on God the Son and how that could even happen! Think about it, we in our humanity deem that some specific single sins are deserving of death by electrocution or what have you, so for Christ to pay for all sin- every lie, every murder, every time we worship idols or take His name in vain, every evil thing...

The expectation was that at this time today I would be half way home. I had a list of things to do and have been eager to get started on them once I return so that I can start another month of pediatric wards. Yet, here I am writing another blog post while sitting in a hotel in Nairobi Kenya. Long, frustrating story short, one of my flights was cancelled due to winter weather (ugh, I hate snow!) and now we are not flying out until midnight tomorrow. My stomach is a little off due to the stress that I am not dealing with very well from it all, and I am sure my sleep will not be great either. But I can already see the hand of God in changing these flights and am asking the Lord to help my unbelief.  Of all the cities on the continent of Africa, I just so happen to be in one that I have a few contacts and friends. So in stead of flying out a few hours after arriving, I have been able to spend sometime with some wonderful friends. Today, I saw some of Nairobi and was reminded tha...

This morning I said some of the hardest goodbyes I have said in a while as the Korean students left for Tanzania. What a blessing that group was to me and everyone here and what a void can be felt in their absence. This past week in preparation for their departure we played volleyball together, studied the Word together and even lead worship at the hospital together one morning. It is hard to put into words all that God thought me through them. But most notably, I was impressed and struck by watching their professor. A physician himself who the Lord sought and called to Himself after his career had started and taken off. He now lives to bring colleagues and medical students to Christ. But what struck me most was his patience in letting the Lord work. For example, during Biblestudy this week we talked about Matthew 5 :13-20, “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt has lost its flavor how then shall it be seasoned? It is then good for nothing but to be thrown out and tramped un...

This week we worked more hours and it seemed much harder hours than previous weeks. Dr. Sleeth had many extra things to do, so he allowed us to run the team this week without him. I was much impressed by how hard it was to do the simple things. I couldn’t just give an IV medication because it came as a powder and the nurse was asking me how to mix it and then how much to give. I had a premature infant that was desaturating and we had to bag for a while without his oxygen saturations improving. I was racking my brain for all the possible reasons and then we discovered that the oxygen was hooked up to the wrong outlet. Of course he did well after he was actually getting oxygen. The ventilator is possibly the first model every created (exaggeration) and learning to use it was it’s own challenge. So many little things that I have never had to do or think about. There is just not enough nurses to draw all the labs, give all the medications and take more vitals than once a shift. So essent...

I can feel the comfort setting in as we adjust to the nuances of the hospital. The last few days on rounds I can say I have thoroughly enjoyed working, teaching the interns, and scratching our heads together over strange cases. There is so much I could potentially do here. I could actually really be helpful long term at the hospital. Dr. Sleeth and I together could really get things to the next level with protocols, teaching and coverage. But outside of the hospital it seems as though I would have little impact. There are so many believers here, and it has become like the bible belt where everyone knows of the name of Jesus but how many truly are known by Him? I always saw myself somewhere I would shine a little brighter. Somewhere a little more unreached. I feel torn. I would love to be here long term and help cover the pediatric wards and possibly even do some sports medicine. But I want to reach the unreached, and it doesn’t seem as though these are those people. I do have to remi...

The sovereignty of God, you ether believe it or you don’t. Today I am thankful the Lord has allowed me to believe. Before I left the states I was working nights in the PICU. We had some hard cases where I knew that if this patient were in Africa they would not be alive at that moment. I have lost pediatric patients in the States but they all seemed like extreme cases. Yesterday our peds team lost two patients within minutes. Two codes going at the same time and neither successful. Both children suffered from things that would have been more easily been treated in the States. But here we were, with what we had. I have taken comfort in the sovereignty of God as I have many times claimed that He alone has authority to give and take life. God reminded me of this as we stopped coding the child I had been sweating over for more than 30 minutes. He alone has authority over life. This is the foundational reason why I cannot support abortion but must with all I am adamantly oppose it. This mo...