Debrief

Today as I walked out of the ocean a large wave gathered behind me sucking all the sand and water in my path backward. It made it hard to take each step and felt as though I was walking in place as the wave pulled everything in to itself. Once the wave crashed and the water subsided I realized I had actually been moving the whole time and was indeed now at the edge of the shore. It occurred to me that so many times we become so focus on the waves and the strength needed to keep going, that we fail to see how far we have come through it all.

Yesterday I officially finished my first block of medical school. When I think back to how hard these last 2 months have been few words come to mind. There were so many times I honestly did not think I would make it through. The whole block I felt as though I did not belong. Like every one there was ten steps ahead of me and I couldn’t catch up. The week of finals I was looking at making 2 C’s, 4 B’s and hopefully an A. That is if I passed the two classes. And that’s the best I thought I could do. This whole block I did not really know if God really wanted me to make it through medical school or if He just brought me here to teach me and to show me more of Himself. I had become ok with the idea that I might fail out of medical school, and that whatever God wanted to teach me in the journey was worth it. When I thought of my upcoming white coat ceremony I didn’t want to wear my white coat, because I felt like I didn’t and wouldn’t deserve to wear it.

I still worked hard and did my best. This past week I spent a good 10-12 hours studying a day for each upcoming final. Yet, the peace God supplied me was amazing, and the overwhelming joy in the midst of the entire block was something I never expected. I truly came to know that Christ is worth whatever we face. He is our treasure, our prize. During the block when I thought of this upcoming week off, all I wanted to do was sit on the edge of the Ocean at the feet of my savior and listen. I knew if I could make it through, He would renew my strength and equip me to continue.

I took my last final yesterday and we headed to the beach, all the while I had no idea if I even passed all my classes. The last of our grades were posted as I was driving there. When we got to our hotel room late last night I logged in to see how bad it was. In one class I went into the final with a 70 in the class, after the final, my grade was a 79 (almost a B). On my first micro test, I made a 63, something I knew the best I could hope for then was just to pass. By God’s grace alone, I made an A on the final and ended up with a B in that class! Long story shorter, what should have been a devastating block turned out to be just about average. I still have no idea how or why He allowed me to do so well at the end, but I am so thankful! It looks like God really does want me in medical school, at least for one more block!

The little bit of craziness I went through in no way compares to so many of the struggles of Christians around the world. But, I am so thankful that in midst of getting me from point A to point B, God would also teach me and allow me to know Him more than ever! I know He has me here for a reason, and He has proved Himself more than faithful to see me through! I am in awe of the grace with which He has lavished on me! And now He has allowed me the opportunity to sit at His feet and rest. Praise be to the God who gives us grace upon grace!