"We are the clay and You our potter" Isa 64:8

This has been a crazy season in my life. Interviewing for residency has left my head spinning just about all the time! For about 3 months I just kept my suit case partially packed. I’ll admit some places I applied to just because I wanted to visit family or friends that lived in the area or thought a trip to the beach in December would be rather nice, however, most places I interviewed with were places I was seriously considering for the next 3 years of my life. It has been exhausting and yet very cool to travel and see new places and imagine myself living there and learning to become a pediatrician. Friday marked my final interview and with relief I headed home from New Jersey. I have been everywhere from Danville PA to Savannah GA and many places in between.  My first interview offer was in Galveston Texas, and though I tried several times to call the coordinator by the time I got through to her every interview spot had been filled. At the time, this did not seem like a big d...

What is it about the ocean that seems to bring you to the foot stool of God? Is it the shear vastness reaching to places way beyond where we can see, or knowing that we have no control over what it does, or is it simply the natural breathtaking beauty of what God made? What a reminder of our nothingness and God's awesomeness! Sitting at the oceans edge is the solitary place where I feel like I can think the clearest, maybe because it forces me to see the big picture.  I wasn't planning on going this year, simply because I wanted to save money for the extremely expensive 4th year of medical school. I went from my surgery rotation (which literally almost killed me from pure exhaustion. Jk) to end of year testing to studying all day for boards to taking boards. Then I had all of 1.5 weeks before I started up again. And on top of all of this as I headed into my week and a half off, I get blindsided by the Supreme Court ruling. I had no time to mentally or spiritually prepare m...

In the Garden of Eden, God told Adam and Eve they could eat of any tree except the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. When they disobeyed and ate their eyes were opened to a world they had not known. Knowledge can be dangerous; knowledge without wisdom that is. The more that I study for my upcoming board exams; the more I find myself stressing out and worrying about the health and wellbeing of my family and friends. It is a hard thing to know all the ways our bodies can mess up, all the complications that can happen and all the things that can end a life. I find myself not wanting my father to run or play sports because he is the prime age for a heart attack and has a few risks factors. Yet, at the same time this week I noticed a few things going on in a family member and almost starting freaking out because the signs I saw could either be several minor things that happen to be all at the same time, or it could be something serious needing prompt attention. I sat contemplat...

Today I was on the other side of telling a couple they were no longer pregnant. Can I just say I'm not a fan! I knew the ultrasound tech had already told them, but still I had to go in there and put a face, 2 faces to those ultra sound images that showed no life. When we walk in I can tell they are both trying to be so tough, but I can see the hurt behind their mask. I wanted to just go hug her and pray over her, because I know that only the God of Comfort can help in times like these. I don't know how she held it together that whole visit. She calmly asked the expected questions. What happened, why, will this effect future pregnancies? We answered them as best we could, then schedule the procedure to remove the dead fetus. Standing there hurting with this family, I just cried out for them to receive comfort and peace from Almighty God who gives and takes away. Prayed that somehow they would see Him shine through this dark hour, that The Way, The Truth, and The Life would come...

Dr I is only a few years older. She finished medical school here in Honduras and is now practicing as a general doctor while awaiting to get into a US residency. We really like it when she works with us at the clinic. She not only speaks English well, but she is so patient with our many questions, and all the times we ask her to act as a translator between us and our patients. She also goes the next step and uses each opportunity to teach us. She just took Step 2 CE (board written exam #2) in December so she knows what we need to study for our Step 2 in June.  This particular morning with her first patient she came to us in the other room, and said, "you should come see this." An elderly woman lay on the table in her exam room. "Just feel her abdomen, and tell me what you find" Dr I said. So we took turns gently palpating this lady's abdomen, but lightly because she was in obvious pain. There was a large something just below her ribs on her right side. What...

Reading through the Old Testament, it is clear that God wanted His people to be set apart. I mean He did call them a royal priesthood, a holy nation. I've been reading the laws Hod put in place regarding sacrifices, food, cleansing from illness etc, and I have been overwhelmed with the amount of rules given. But it is very clear that God wants His people to be clean when they come to Him. He is holy and cannot tolerate sin. So before Christ came all these commands had to be followed in order for sin to be covered temporarily, but the people could only offer those sacrificed if they were ceremonially clean. Not only did God require the sacrifice, He required cleanness while offering them.  This morning I had the privilege of taking the Lord's Supper with my brothers and sisters in Honduras. Most of the service I struggled to understand, but that is one thing we can all do together. Even though language has put a barrier between many of the people and myself, and even though...

Yesterday we didn't go back to hospital Escuales. Doctora said she had two house calls to make and she wanted us to go with her nurse so she could stay and work at the clinic. We grabbed our backpacks with a few medical supplies in them and hopped in the car with Jedida, a rather feisty, yet caring nurse, who puts up with our limited Spanish. We drove about 20 mins into one of the mountains and pulled over in front of a metal gate. Jedida knocked on the door and we were let in by a small boy who beamed when he saw us. We said hello to an elderly woman and walked back into the furthest room in the house. There lay a teenage boy in his bed with his younger brother sitting at his side. The brother quickly left when he saw us. The room had one window facing the street, a TV and an old play station. The boy's hands and feet were wrapped, and a catheter hung by his bed. He was a paraplegic and we were there to clean a large pressure ulcer. Apparently Jedida had been taking care of h...

All along the walls were metal stretchers separated by curtains that were pulled back. The nurses station situated in the middle was full of medical students and residents either sitting and talking or doing paperwork. On the other side of the room there are a few beds with a small mattress atop a board frame. Each bed is full and each each stretcher housed one and sometimes two patents. It is so crowded, people are waiting in line for a bed or stretcher in this emergency room. As I walk in I pass patients holding X-rays waiting to be read, a row of patients sitting in chairs waiting for a bed, some with hands or feet wrapped in bandages soaked in blood. Several look like they had been beat up with swollen faces, some are lying in pools of blood waiting for stitches. I couldn't help but wonder why in the world all the students and residents were standing around with so much that needed to be done! One resident pulls me over to a bed and pulls out the patients CT scan and shows me ...

January 21 I sat across the room from her talking in broken Spanglish with other medical students and the doctors. She was another young mother here to deliver and like most of the women in this room she wailed in pain with each contraction and even cried out 'doctor, doctor!' As our conversation eased, I again heard her cry and felt the urge to go sit beside her and try any seemingly small measure to bring comfort, but I hesitated because I knew it would be difficult to converse with my very limited Spanish. There was just enough room for me to sit between her and the next laboring mother. I tried to ask in Spanish her baby's name which she told me, then she said in perfect English, "it hurts really bad". Woah, she's speaks English! This began a long discourse where I do believe we became friends.  22 year old Hope was in college as a marketing major when she became pregnant. Apparently this caused many problems in her family and even caused her to s...

First night in labor and delivery Well I had my first over night 12 hour shift last Wednesday night. I was nervous mostly because I didn't know how my body would hold up. We arrived at the hospital a little after 7, and were taken to a room with 8 beds against 2 walls. Several beds were already occupied by mothers in labor. Their were also several Honduran medical students who really acted like residents. The physician came in and we rounded on those who were there. Trying to determine who was ready to deliver and who, if any, needed surgery. It didn't take long before the first was whisked to the delivery room. One student was gowned up and ready to go. Now, as I have never delivered or even actually seen a live birth, This was quite fascinating! I am still in awe of how God created the womb, but more in awe of all the changes that take place with that first breath! Buts that's for another time. My extremely limited Spanish did hinder some of what I could do, and real...

Well I made it to Honduras. One day late, but I didn't miss much. We bought some groceries and then settled into our apartment for the month. My last visit here I was surprised to find that Baxter provided internet services for those staying here, as well as the clinic I was working in. So this was my fist international trip where I expected to have some form of communication with those back home. Well when I arrived I found out neither of those internet services were working, and even now as I type (1-15-15) it is in hopes that eventually I will be able to post this online sometime later. Communication has always been the hardest part for me on these trips. I want to know that I can reach people if I need to, and honestly I just like to keep in touch with people back home if possible. Maybe this is a product of my generation? Or maybe it's sin . . . Trying to have and maintain some form of control? Before I left the states, my pastor preached a sermon on James 1. "Cons...

I can picture us sitting in the see-saw contemplating ways that we would never have to part and our friendship could last forever. I don't know who came up with it first, but hey I have a little brother and you have a little sister! Let's marry them! Then we will officially be sisters and can always be together! So what do we do? We grab both of them and marry them then and there, both of us acting as the pastor of course. But our little scheme didn't work. Her family still moved to GA. The year was 1997. These almost 20 years since I've never quite found a friend that is so much like me. Same sporty, outdoorsy, I'm going to play with the guys because they're cooler, attitude. We would hide under pews at church or anything else so we didn't have to go home, and once she even buried her shoe in the playground so we would have to stay and 'look' for it!  Flash forward to yesterday. I finally left for a rotation in Honduras which I was so incredibl...