Faithful

My last day at Tenwek came a little while ago. Those weeks working with the pediatric team were incredible; and though they had moments that were very heavy and hard, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I met some really incredible people at Tenwek (you know who you are) and the lessons I learned will stay with me for a lifetime. 

            Now I am home and started back to work in America as an outpatient pediatrician. I will not hear the constant alarms that used to plague my dreams, nor will I be making decisions regarding the use of limited resources like ventilators. In a way I am thankful that the acuity level of my patients now will be significantly lower (for the most part) and the overall anxiety of treating them should as well. Yet, the job is still the same. Almighty God has called me to serve those made in His image. It will just look a little different this week. 

As you can imagine with such a stark contrast coming from rural Kenya back to the US and from hospital and ICU medicine to outpatient pediatrics it can be hard to shift. Processing all God did and then preparing for what He has next. I’d like to share ways the Lord has allowed me to do so in hopes that it can be an encouragement and maybe give you some ideas for when you face similar times of change or processing the hard times. What I have found through the years, is that there is no substitute for taking it straight to God Himself. It helps me to get away either to the mountains or the beach. Somewhere that I can take in the vastness of creation and its beauty and sit in awe of our God. And then it also helps me to listen to worship music and reflect on Scripture. 

 

So to help me wind down and prepare to come home after finishing at Tenwek, my parents (who joined me for the last part of my trip) and I left for safari. Here are some pictures from our time and some of the songs that ministered to my soul.

 

“I have asked Are You even there? I have cried Do You even care? I called out Your name In the middle of the storm You seemed to fall silent Once again I screamed out Would you rescue me

God, I lost the battle I was broken on my knees I called out for help In the middle of the night Hoping that you'd take my Pain away Yet, this I've known That, You are good And I'm loved by You God, You are good And I'm loved by You In the silence You were holding me You're beyond the Circumstances That I see You didn't start the storm You've never caused me harm You have always Been here with me This I know That, You are good And I'm loved by You God, You are good And I'm loved by You” (Loved By You by Ian Yates)

 

“When it feels like surgery And it burns like third degree And you wonder what is it worth? When your inside's breaking in And you feel that ache again And you wonder what's giving birth? If you could let the pain of the past go Of your soul None of this is in your control” 

“ When your fear is currency And you feel that urgency You want peace but there's war in your head Maybe that's where life is born When our façades are torn Pain gives birth to the promise ahead, yeah . . . If you could only let your guard down If you could learn to trust me somehow Well I swear, that I won't let you go If you could only let go your doubts If you could just believe in me now I swear, that I won't let you go I won't let you go . . .  There ain't no darkness strong enough that could tear you out from my heart There ain't no strength that's strong enough that could tear this love apart Never gonna let you go” (I Won’t Let You Go by Switchfoot)

 

“I've carried a burden For too long on my own I wasn't created To bear it alone I hear Your invitation To let it all go Yeah, I see it now I'm laying it down And I know that I need You I run to the Father I fall into grace I'm done with the hiding No reason to wait My heart needs a surgeon My soul needs a friend So I'll run to the Father Again and again And again and again” (Run to the Father by Cody Carnes)

 

“I searched for love when the night came and it closed in I was alone, but You found me where I was hiding And now I'll never ever be the same It was the sweetest voice that called my name, saying You're not alone for I am here Let me wipe away your every fear My love, I've never left your side I have seen you through the darkest night And I'm the One who's loved you all your life All your life You cry yourself to sleep 'Cause the hurt is real and the pain cuts deep All hope seems lost with heartache your closest friend And everyone else long gone You've had to face the music on your own But there is a sweeter song that calls you home, saying You’re not alone for I am here Let me wipe away your every fear My love, I’ve never left your side I have seen you through the darkest night And I’m the One who’s loved you all your life All your life” (You’re Not Alone by Meredith Andrews)

 

“How quickly we forget the God Who lives in every day How easy to lose sight that You Reside in the mundane How quickly we forget the power That's running through our veins The kind of power that empties graves And oh my soul Remember who you're talking to The only one who death bows to That's the God who walks with you If You broke through the oceans You can break through these chains If Your word made the mountains It can move them all the same If death fell before You And it's still on its face Then the power that raised You Is about to move again  . . . And oh my soul You know that if He did it then Then He can do it all again His power can still raise the dead Don't tell me that He's finished yet He's not finished yet” (Remember by Bryan and Katie Torwalt)

 

“My words are stolen away With this breathtaking view of Your grace And I am speechless I'm astonished and amazed I am silenced by Your wondrous grace You have saved me You have raised me from the grave And I am speechless in Your presence now I'm astounded as I consider how You have shown us A love that leaves us speechless” (Speechless by Steven Curtis Chapman)

 

“If my heart could tell a story If my life would sing a song If I have a testimony If I have anything at all No one ever cared for me like Jesus His faithful hand has held me all this way And when I'm old and grey And all my days are numbered on the earth Let it be known in you alone My joy was found  . . . Let my children tell their children Let this be their memory That all my treasure was in heaven And you were everything to me No one ever cared for me like Jesus His faitful hand has held me all this way And when I'm old and grey And all my days are numbered on the earth Let it be known in you alone My joy was found I've found my joy I'm still in love Your still enough for me Still all I want Your still my everything”. (No One Ever Cared for Me Like Jesus by Steffany Gretzinger). 

 

 

If I have learned anything from the past few months it is that I am sinful, yet God is always faithful. He truly has been faithful my whole life, and truly has run after me. Whatever you are going through, or whenever the hard time come, I pray you can lean into Him and stand firm. Then when the dust settles, take time to reflect and praise God for how He was with you and carried you through. He truly is a good, good Father.