"We are the clay and You our potter" Isa 64:8

     The ‘black cloud’, it is a title no medical personnel wants to carry or be associated with. In medicine it is reserved for the person who seems to have the worst cases, the most dramatic and crazy cases, or seems to have the most cases period. And then on the contrary few are labeled ‘white clouds’ meaning they typically get fewer cases or easier ones with less emergent procedures. And when a ‘white cloud’ and a ‘black cloud’ are on together every one wonders who will ‘win out.’ In the USA or Africa it is the same. Every team has a few physicians with each label and everyone else on the team silently or not so silently dread being on call with the ‘black clouds’ and breaths more easily when on call with a ‘white cloud’. Believe it or not there actually has been research done regarding this (PubMed "Black cloud" vs. "white cloud" physicians - Myth or reality in apheresis medicine?). Surprisingly (or not), there actually is no statistical correlation. So, why the...

You know that feeling when you’re running up a really big hill? You put your head down, focus on your breathing and increase the power in each stride. Four steps as you breathe in and four steps as you breathe out (at least for these short legs). Watch that log, and that rock, just keep going, don’t slip. In and out, you’re almost there. Muscles are burning, lungs start burning, but you’re so close. Once you reach the top you gasp for air and you may even pause as your lungs and muscles scream, but you have to keep going. At least now you can raise your head. The run for the moment is not as strenuous, and maybe even enjoyable. Now your head is high and your focus is the incredible scenery around you and not how hard it is to take each step. As you allow your thoughts to consider the beauty of the stream that runs beside the trail it almost feels like your feet are gliding across the path. The intensity of the run has changed but what really changed is where you kept your focus.  ...

Deep breath.    I arrived at Tenwek hospital last Wednesday. It was nice coming back to a familiar place though many of the people I have worked with in the past are currently not here. I knew it would take me a while to readjust to hospital medicine and the best way to acclimated fastest is to jump in head first, right? My first day on service I was on call that night. It felt like it took forever to get those wheels turning in my brain on rounds that morning. Our peds team consists of myself, a family medicine physician, 2 medical officers who are very well trained, and several residents and students. For my first few days there was also another pediatrician from the states helping with the service and I was so thankful to overlap with her some. The service overall seems busier and has more critical patients than I remember having last time. With each day of rounding I settled into things a little more.    We have already had a significant amount of pathology. In m...

Ten years ago this fall I walked into my parents house after weeks of fasting and praying over the direction of my life. I had gone to college to do what was fun and comfortable and made sense but then someone called me out and asked me to pray about what God wanted for my life. At the time, she was suggesting medical school and that seemed like an impossible task. Nevertheless I prayed and fasted more so out of obedience. But my heart wasn’t in it. Until that night. I remember it clear as day. My father met me at the front door with his book in hand. Someone had given him a book with facts about all of the countries in the world and their people groups etc. He told me about the infant mortality rate in the country he was reading about. It was so high because there were no women physicians to care for the women there. And as if time stood still in that moment I knew God had called me, as a women, to be a physician in order to reach the underserved. It’s been a long hard journey, but no...