"We are the clay and You our potter" Isa 64:8

I came across a section in the Bible study I have been reading lately (“Behold Your God: Rethinking God Biblically” by John Snyder) that stopped me in my tracks. As I was casually reading through paragraphs to finish before I needed to leave for work, I came across a section that made me stop and think. And it has continued to turn in my mind since. God has called us as His church to be holy, as He is holy (Leviticus 20:7-8). This is something I have known and read may times. Yet, practically what that does mean in my life and am I living that way? For real. This study goes on to state that Jesus is the bases of our holiness (yes okay). We have to keep our eyes on Him to keep moving forward, (yep got that). But, to look to Jesus and keep our eyes on Him we have to turn our eyes away from other things. (Ok, yes that makes sense). But we don’t just look to Jesus we have to have a  determined  focus on Him (yeah that seems more like real life). And we look away from sinful things...

Again, as in previous posts I have sat down to write this and finish it many times. My heart is so full there are no words to express it. And yet there is something therapeutic and final in putting some of it on paper.    I can remember back in high school one of my favorite things was directing our band. I loved being a drum major even though as a percussionist I could not appreciate or understand all that went into each wind instrument. I can remember listening to individual sections practicing and though they each sounded good on their own I would get chills when it all came together. To this day I am captivated by a good symphony so much so that it becomes an escape from this mortal world. There is something pure and beautiful in the sound made by an entire orchestra together that is hard to find elsewhere. And as I was driving home tonight, I was reminded how God is doing the same thing with each of our lives, making a symphony.    Sixteen years ago, I made a de...

I have tried to sit and write this blog post for several weeks now, but unable to really put where I am into words. I kept thinking that once things settled a bit I could sit and process all these great deep lessons and praise would come forth. But that just has not happened. And so instead of continuing to wait for my heart to get where it needs to be I am going to push forward. Because this past week marked something pretty incredible and I need to recognize the God who made this past week possible.    At thirty years of age and after 12 years of ‘higher education’ I started my career in medicine this past week. For those of you who know me, you now this has been quite the story of grace, so much grace. I didn’t want to be a physician. It wasn’t worth the hard work and the long hours to me. I wanted something easy, something comfortable. But through the Lord’s leading I went to medical school, not because I wanted to, but out of obedience. And He gave me such peace that if H...

I wrote a poem back in high school in which the words just kind of came to me though they were not necessarily an outpour of my heart at the time. I remember looking that the words thinking, ‘wow that’s a decent poem but where did that come from?’. I don’t remember all of it but what I do remember I resonate with now more than I ever have. “A cleverly crafted mask to hide an agonizing face. And the only thing that is left of it all, on underserving pages Are the remains of a n exploded heart.”  My heart is exploding, well has exploded. And, not writing it out has left me trying to hold the pieces. So, as painful as this may be, here’s to letting these underserving pages hold what’s left.  When I moved to Bristol TN to start my 3 rd  year of medical school I rescued a kitten for 2 reasons. It gave my dog Teddy someone to be with him while I was on rotations, and it was a nice gift to myself for making it through the worst years of medical school and passi...

Yesterday marked 40 days I have not been working but rather been at home. I had a sneaking suspicion the Lord may have me here for as much time so when I found out I would be returning to work on 5/4 I counted the days. Today (day 41) is my weekend and thus it has felt as though the Lord gave me a 40 day hiatus and is now allowing me to return. I do believe it is significant as our Lord has complete control of all the details. So what’s the significance of 40? Glad you asked    :  -         the days it rained during the flood -         the number of days Moses fasted on the mountain in the presence of Almighty God -         the number of days the spies searched out the Promised land and subsequently the number of years the Israelites spent wondering in the wilderness because of their lack of faith -         the number of ...

          Remember the opening scenes of “Captain America: the First Avenger?” A young, small, skinny Steve Rogers tries to enlist in the army under various names and gets denied over and over until a doctor decides to take a chance on him. This doctor eventually goes on to experiment on him and make him into the taller, stronger, superhuman Captain America. Well, though my circumstance are quite different I have found myself felling quite like I imagine the small version of Steve Rogers felt. I’ve heard stories of men trying to enlist and being rejected even in the midst of world war II due to their age or medical conditions. And today I feel like I can relate on some level. For the past 7 years of my life, no really much longer, I have been studying and training to be a physician. Last year I spent two and a half months working in a pediatric ICU learning to run ventilators and became decent at it. Then I went to Kenya and helped run a pediatric ward, PICU a...

And another trip is officially in the books. Similar to many I have done in the past and yet very different. My first trip practicing as a fully license pediatrician though not the first operating independently. Definitely lots of firsts in the way of adventures. Being on a river that comes off the Amazon was breath taking. Being in the jungle. Staying on a boat and sleeping in a hammock. It was a lot of fun.  So now comes the time to reflect on what God taught me there. Because if it is only a great adventure then it is a waste. Did God show up? Did He change me? Did we do any real lasting good? I often struggle with these questions after short term trips knowing the dangers of doing them poorly. Well, I can say that I watched God take a group of essentially strangers and make them family all based on our relationship with Him. As it should be. And I watched these Americans blend with Peruvians to pour out love on people who desperately needed encouragement and love (as we a...

Today we returned to Pucallpa from being on the river. We were able to see about 500 patients between 5 villages over the past few days. Life on the boat was wonderful, minus the bugs of course. Laying in a hammock on top of the boat just watching the jungle pass by - I’m not sure the last time I was that relaxed and at peace. I’m usually listening to music or sermons or reading during travel times abroad, but this time I was content to just ‘be.’ We had a lot of patients that simply wanted some Tylenol or ibuprofen for normal aches and pains, many wanted treatment for parasites and just about all of them asked for vitamins. Yet sprinkled throughout, someone would open up and share something we could really help with. In the past few days I’ve seen all the rashes (fungus, bacteria, parasites and all), Dengue fever, chronic obstructive lung disease, a few precious newborn babies, undiagnosed Down’s syndrome, retinoblastoma, and septic mastitis. Each of the villages was small enough th...

I came to the humbling realization tonight that I do not know many ‘big words’ like ‘liturgy.’ I mean I do, but I don’t. Tomorrow I am heading to Peru and so I don’t want to ramble. But I do feel I have something to share as God is preparing me to go.   The state of our Country in the present is quite unsettling as we know. It seems as though the mundane and normal comfortable ‘Christian’ life is catching up to us. In coming to Memphis God really gave me back a desire and a hunger to know Him and run after Him again. But even in the things I have been blessed to be part of I still felt as though there was more I am missing. That I need to be going deeper. I’m at a strange point in life and I honestly have no idea where God is taking me next. In my job search I feel like the disciples just casting my net over and over and for what I don’t know. Almost waiting for God to say cast it yet once more. All the while I have had several things come up to challenge my view on miss...