A Life Poured-out

In the wake of all that happened in my life recently as described by my latest post, I had asked for prayers from many people. I wanted to share with you how God has answered those prayers even today. 

This past weekend I had the privilege of being at my home church in Powell. To be honest it was difficult to concentrate as I was basking in the wonderful feeling of just being home. Sitting under the pastor that God has used to speak Truth to me since I was first able to Hear, I heard God once again. He was preaching from 2 Corinthians 5:11-17 on “The motivation for a poured-out life.” “Therefore I urge you brothers by the mercies of God to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship” (Romans 12:1). “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price, therefore glorify God in your body” (1 Corinthians 6:19-10). I was in Knoxville that Sunday on my way to an interview for a sports medicine fellowship. I left church realizing I had not been living a poured-out life, but seriously hard core living for myself. Residency is not fun, but that does not give me an excuse to make it all about me. 

I knew I would be driving A LOT over the next few days so I downloaded an audiobook. This is where God seriously began bringing me back to Him. For those of you who know me, you know that I love music. Typically music is all I need to get throughs hours and hours of travel. But I came across a book I had been recommended and decided this drive was a perfect time to “get it in.” The book is entitled “Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus.” The life of Nabeel Qureshi was played out before me and caused me to have several moments of praising our God as I drove. I highly recommend this book or audiobook for anyone reading. After hearing how this devout Muslim was wooed and sought after by God to bring him to Himself, and how he then left literally everything to serve Him, I couldn’t help by be inspired. Essentially I came away with these truths reignited like a flame in me: 

1-   God, the True, Living God- He is everything! Knowing Him, serving Him is the highest honor and greatest treasure a life could have. He is truly worth any price.

2-   It (life, residency, whatever) is NOT about me. In the moments after this former Muslim  told his family he had decided to follow Jesus as Lord and not Allah, he describes the anguish he felt at losing his family, causing them shame and extreme heart ache despite all they had done for him. In the midst of it he looks up and sees a man walking in the darkness and realizes that this man does not have Jesus. In all his heart ache he was overwhelmed by the need this man had for a Savior. A Savior that he knew. It is then that he realizes that life is no longer about him. He left everything he had and spent his remaining years in ministry.

Yet yesterday as I came into work to cover seemingly the single worst shift of pediatric residency all I could do all day was complain. All the little things that did not go my way and all the times I felt like I was being used and unappreciated. It was all building up and I was harsh to some people. On one of my trips back up from the ED admitting a kid I just started praying, “Lord, I just can’t do it. I can’t be nice when I’m this tired, and I’m pushed to the edge over and over and over. I don’t have it in me. I’m so over this” In His mercy and grace He changed my heart even in the middle of my shift. Granted it was over 24 hours long. By the end of the shift, by His grace, my attitude had been fixed. When I left this morning I put one of my favorite songs on repeat, and as I pulled into my apartment these words broke through my thoughts, “If you gave your life to love them, so will I. Like you would again 100 billion times. But what measure could amount to your desire. You’re the One who never leaves the one behind” (So Will I, Hillsong). And that was it. I surrender. 

Yes, Lord I do want to be poured out, even here. Yes, even if it means always being the one who gets pulled to cover for others. Yes, even when it means staying extra-long, being extra tired, and going unnoticed. I want to be a life poured-out. Please God, allow me the privilege of serving you here, now. Because the extra shifts, extra hours, and extra energy are not for them, it’s all for you. And you are more than worth it! Forgive me, oh God, for being so fixated on myself that I failed to represent you well. Thank you for allowing me to hear your voice again and feel your joy and peace. Give me the grace, the strength, the joy, and the love to keep going joyfully in the midst of these trials. You are worth it. You are enough.